How to date a girl that was in an abusive relationship?
I’ve been talking to a girl for 2 months now. I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but she has been in an abusive relationship and is having trouble trusting me because of her ex. She’s 19 and they were married but she got an annulment in December. She hasn’t seen the guy since December and yet it’s still real hard on her. How do I help her out? What should I do?
well this will be the hardest thing you have ever tried to take on. i was in a very abusive relationship for 10 yrs and i have tons of issues that nobody but me can fix however my boyfriend has helped a lot in retraining me how to be in a relationship. you need to know that instead of talking she will probably have a fight or flight thing going for a while because thats how you learn to protect yourself. you need to be understanding. its very hard to break old habits but eventually you do. i still cower when someone raises their hand when we argue and its frusturating to my boyfriend because he thinks i group all men in a catergory of being abusers. i really didnt know how to love someone i thought love from a man was based on what i did for him. im still learning that lesson and so are most abused women. you need to be very aware of your words becasue any thing can bring old feelings flooding back and make her go into physco mode!! depending on how bad the abuse was you may suggest her talking to a professional or you be her sounding board let her vent to you about how scary and what its done to her for someone to have treated her like that. some men can handle that much damage and some cant jsut depends on how far your willing to go to help her overcome her issues. treat her with total respect. trust comes with time but i can promse she will always have doubts in her mind that will surface at times and cause problems. its a very hard road but hopefully she wasnt in it for very long and can overcome the mental part of it. anyways good luck and i hope it works out for y’all!!
just take it slow and let her take the decisions in your relationship show her you care about her and that you’ll never harm her.
she’s the leader.
xxx
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Slap her around when she disobeys you.
(She’s been "broken-in" already.)
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God.
you have to take this one slowly, you have to win her over by been you she is hurting at the moment, dont go into a full time relationship perhaps one day a week and build up from there. she has to learn to trust you.
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You should listen to her. Emphasize with her, please, NO SYMPATHY. Also, tell her that you’ll never treat her like her ex. I know it sounds cheesy and like she won’t believe it, but if you’re really sincere, then after awhile, she’ll have no choice but to believe you.
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Let her know you would like a relationship, but be careful. Let her know you understand, and you have to be VERY gentle with her and her emotions. Sit down and talk about having a relationship with her, but don’t try to talk to her privatley, it might scare her. Take her somewhere publicly and talk to her, about you wanting to be in a relationshi with her and see how she feels and then go from there.
This probably wasn’t much help. Sorry.
References :
well this will be the hardest thing you have ever tried to take on. i was in a very abusive relationship for 10 yrs and i have tons of issues that nobody but me can fix however my boyfriend has helped a lot in retraining me how to be in a relationship. you need to know that instead of talking she will probably have a fight or flight thing going for a while because thats how you learn to protect yourself. you need to be understanding. its very hard to break old habits but eventually you do. i still cower when someone raises their hand when we argue and its frusturating to my boyfriend because he thinks i group all men in a catergory of being abusers. i really didnt know how to love someone i thought love from a man was based on what i did for him. im still learning that lesson and so are most abused women. you need to be very aware of your words becasue any thing can bring old feelings flooding back and make her go into physco mode!! depending on how bad the abuse was you may suggest her talking to a professional or you be her sounding board let her vent to you about how scary and what its done to her for someone to have treated her like that. some men can handle that much damage and some cant jsut depends on how far your willing to go to help her overcome her issues. treat her with total respect. trust comes with time but i can promse she will always have doubts in her mind that will surface at times and cause problems. its a very hard road but hopefully she wasnt in it for very long and can overcome the mental part of it. anyways good luck and i hope it works out for y’all!!
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me!!