Any tips on how to deal with a relationship ending? Positive answers please.?
I need help dealing with my 3 1/2 year relationship ending. I love my ex boyfriend, Brandon very much. He transferred to a state university and the same day that he moved into his apartment he decided that it was time to end our relationship. He said it was too stressful (which it really can be). I’m devastated because he usual speaks highly of our relationship and tells me that we will get married when we are finished with college. Now just like a flip of a switch he wants out and wants to meet other people and "enjoy his life". I honestly didn’t see this coming and didn’t realize I was preventing him in any way from enjoying life. I really wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, now I don’t have him at all. I’m extremely depressed, constantly crying whenever I’m not occupying myself. I’ve been out with my friends and have met new people and school started but its still not enough. I feel like a mental case that needs a psychiatrist before I do something harmful to myself. I know may others deal with long relationships ending, if you have any positive advise I would really like to hear it.
I have been in your situation, as I’m sure many others have. I think that’s what helped me get through things, is realizing that it’s something we all go through at one point or another. I think it brought a lot of clarity for me to be aware and understand that we’ve all been hurt, and that if others can endure and overcome such situations, so can I. I know that it’s terribly daunting, and I don’t wish these feelings on anyone. I also felt like I couldn’t think straight after breaking up with the person who I loved immensely. But eventually, I was able to start putting myself and my happiness first, instead of constantly questioning why I couldn’t help to keep things together.
I think it would be helpful for you to think about who he is now rather than who he was when you guys were together. He is obviously not in a place to be in a relationship and has opted to put himself before you. There is no way you would want to remain in that kind of relationship, where someone doesn’t think about your well-being before his. Hopefully, that makes sense to you.
The decision he’s made is ultimately a selfish one. And if you keep that in mind, you’ll realize how important it is to keep true to yourself and eventually you will come across someone who can truly appreciate a relationship with you. Also, you never know, perhaps you guys will resume your relationship later down the line, once time has passed and you both realize what you still mean to each other. Be strong, confident in yourself, and also optimistic for whatever may come. I wish the best for you!
Aw,. I’m so sorry to hear that..That must be tough.
You seem to be doing everything right.. Crying, [it's a good way to release emotions so they don't come back later], and trying to occupy yourself. I wish there was a quick fix for a broken heart, but there isn’t. All you can do is let it heal with time.. I promise things will get better.
References :
Its like mind over matter. You just have to push forward, and not necessarily forget him, but just put him in the past.
References :
i watched a lot of funny movies, talked to God, and took up a new hobby – running. exercise releases endorphins into the blood stream which helps… and it let me feel like i was running away from everything that made me cry. might sound stupid to some, but it works for me.
References :
What you are doing now is what you need to do and keep doing it. Meeting new people and being around old friends is what you need. Right now it feels like it will never get better but eventually the tears will dry up and you’ll be able to move on.
References :
you deserved better, just keep telling yourself that and you’ll feel better too.
References :
I can relate to your situation as my wife and I recently separated. The shock of the sudden ending mixed with the fact that you have viewed your life in terms of being with that person for the rest of time really messes you up inside. The truth is that all you can do is give yourself time and space to grieve over the loss of the relationship. There is nothing that is going to make the pain go away or make you feel better in one easy step. The key is to realize that life does go on and there is love out there yet for you in time. Sure it will get better, it just doesn’t feel like it right now and that is how it should be because if it didn’t then that would have meant that you weren’t really in love.
References :
Well.
You should stop forcing yourself to make yourself believe you are over him. You don’t have to forget him. Cry as much as you can and I promise after a while your tears will dry. The best way to get over a break-up is not trying to make yourself you are strong enough to act as if you don’t care. Love him. Cry for him. After a while a new love will find you and you will get over him.
I just broke up from my 4 year relationship.
I cried and cried and cried.
Ate loads of chocolate.
And ice-cream.
And everything else.
And gain weight.
And lost weight.
Change my hairstyle,
Change my wardrobe.
And now.
I am over him.
I promise the same will happen to you:
References :
You do not want to be with someone who does not want to be with you. He would never give you the respect and love you deserve. You need to think of all of the things you learned about relationships and keep them with you forever. They will come in handy when you meet a real gentleman who you deserve and will treat you right. When things go wrong you can always look back at what you learned and apply it so you can give your dream man everything he ever wanted. Which is the love and appreciation he gives you back. I would not even spend time looking for this dream man because I promise – He will find you.
References :
If the break up happened really recently, I think you are allowed a mourning period. Being a bit depressed and crying, I think, helps relieve the tension that you’re feeling. You shouldn’t harm yourself since that’s not a logical solution. Above, it says that he wanted out of the relationship b/c he wanted to be free. Note he didn’t say he wanted out b/c you annoyed him. It doesn’t sound like anything YOU did was wrong.
Personally, I think you should take some time and sit in a quiet place and talk to anything, a rock, the grass. And just talk about how you feel. I do this when I’m feeling very stressed and at the end of my talk, I feel better knowing that I’ve made coherent what I’ve been feeling.
Be strong and good luck.
References :
College always makes a guy think he wants something new. He probably does for awhile, but in the future he’ll regret it and wish he could go back. Just keep going out and having fun and it’ll get better. Getting over a relationship always sucks. It’s a temporary pain, don’t do anything that makes it permanent.
References :
Move forward and don’t let it get to you because your just going to be hurting all the time and life is not to be crying all the time if he made you happy then look for something else that is going to make you happy as well as he did, but you have to move on.
References :
pff, you sound just like me;; my ex and i broke up about a month ago today actually.
we dated for about 3 years, someone told him that i cheated on him and he believed them over me.
which crushed me.
and i’m still dealing with it, and i’ve done everything the as far as drugs,to self infliction, to deal with the pain. I don’t really have anything to tell you because if i did i would be able to get over it myself.
I guess i just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
thats positive right ?
(:
References :
When my 24-year relationship ended we celebrated, not because either of us really wanted it to end, but because we had made it so long before our very busy lives came between us! Three and a half years may not be much but at least you had that. Besides you are still in college. The future is too far away for you to try to carve it in stone. My twenty-four year relationship began two weeks after my 34th birthday.
References :
Well a couple things that I did was find something new to take up my time. I know you may not be into it, but I started working out a lot more, and that gave me something structured and something to focus on everyday and take my mind away from everything else. I’m not saying you should hit the weights, but try and do something structured and focused towards a goal. I’m not saying just going out with friends, but something that you alone do, a new hobby or project for yourself. Give yourself a goal. And another thing I did was I started writing. I never considered myself a poet or anything, but whenever I had lags in time and my mind started to wander, I’d start to write down my feelings. A lot of that depression comes from not having an ability to vent those emotions and keeping them in. When you write about them – even just something as simple as what you’re thinking – it’s like a pressure valve, releasing some steam from a boiling pot. It’s not going to cure everything, sure, but it’s a great emotional release sometimes. That helped me a lot, and the writing became better and now it’s something I enjoy doing a lot. I hope those helped a little. I know how hard it can be.
References :
Dealing with a relationship ending is a hard process that takes time. It will take a while for you to feel normal again. But talking to a good counselor or a trusted friend can help. Try to get involved with activities that don’t allow you to dwell on your situation.
References :
I’VE BEEN THE SAME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. WHAT ii DID WAS I MOV3D ON!!. I STARTED LOOKIN AT OTHER BOYS. ITS HIS LOSS SOMEONES GAIN. ENJOY LIFE!
References :
Know that you are not alone. He is just in another state. He might change his mind but need time or hard to believe now but maybe their is something else you both need to do besides be together right now. If it help you cope just act like you are both still together but he got a great job & is traveling to great places. So you are going to do what you love in the meantime. So do you even know what you love? most people in relationships don’t know what they love or are interested in, they don’t know who they are so this time is valuable. I don’t know why this has to happen but you will look back latter & see it as a gift. Most people have had different relationships & break ups & it really is a part of life….My son got a job transfer & had to leave quickly to go live on the other side of the country. I called my friend & she said "isn’t it great he isn’t going to Iraq" I started to cry thinking about how I didn’t see outside of my problem & thought of what others are going through. So put this in perspective. I am a life coach & I know I can’t go through a session with you but you might want to get someone to talk to talk to during this time.
References :
iam real sorry about your break up as i know how hard it can be. if this was his idea then you need to let go its better he did it now then to have gotton married and did it later it would have been worse if you all ready had childern together he seems to think theres something better out there and one day hes gonna realize that you where the best again that depends on what he thinks he looking for. and also you seem like a realy neat person witha good heart may be he dont deserve you and you are the one who deserves better remeber this you know when you are realy ready for a relationship is when you finaly realize you dont need a man to feel whole…. girl life is not over in fact your life has just begone i was in a relationship for 8 years and i loved this man with all my heart and it broke my heart to but the sadness will go away i promise and when you dont think youll find a love again it will happen trust me i pray for the best for you lori
References :
sorry to hear about your break up,they’re never easy but life goes on.try writing down all the things that made the relationship stressfull then you may begin to see it in a different light instead of just focusing on all the good bits.i’m guessing you’re young from what you have said about starting university so just think of the statistics of how many childhood sweethearts actually make it down the ailse,not many,and that’s for a good reason.as we grow older we want to go and see a bit of the world and experience lots of things,just think how many things you’re free to do now without having to think of how it will affect others.get out there and hit the dating scene,enjoy some partys with your mates.just let your hair down and go wild,make the most of being young free and single while you can.i lost my chance to travel etc when i had my little girl and that’s my only regret in life.write a list of your ambitions and get out there and start achieving them,shift your negative energy and turn it into something positive by focusing on thing you want to do for you!i know it seems like the hurt will never end at the moment but believe me it does and you will learn and grow from it and go onto have many more loving relationships and lots of fun to!
References :
really its hard. . . even though many may say this "just give it time" in reality its the hardest thing to do. . . you spend 3 and a half years of your life in this relationship and probably gave it your all. . . now like you said he out like if you were a switch on/off. . . well you will miss him at first just getting used to the idea that its over and that nothing else you can do about it. I went through it. . . and it took my true friends to get me out of these they. . . showed me that i was stuck on him because i depended on him. . . and they help me love myself. . . by that i mean think that i come first. . . since i had more me time i reinvented myself. . . to tell you the truth ive never been happier and realized that he wasn’t the guy for me that i still have a lot of people to meet and the ONE is still out there. . . and well sure enough i did. . two years later of course
but nonetheless it was worth it because now iI’mthe best person i can be and ddon’thold anything against my ex. . . so back to your question. . .(sorry) find what makes you happy. . . what do you enjoy. . . if your in school find a hHobieand open yourself up. … you never know love will open a window when you least expect it and your ex. . . he will realize he let go of a great person. . . besides if you truly believe in Karma. . . you just let it the hands of it and youll be happy no matter what! !
References :
What you are going through is perfectly normal. It takes time and the amount of time for everyone is different. If you think that talking to a professional will help you, then do it. You have to do what is best for you in this situation. You are doing the right thing by keeping yourself busy with school and friends. I hope that you start to feel better soon!
References :
I completely understand where your coming from. I had a relationship just like yours. What I would recommend is just don’t think about this relationship in a negative way. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. I think it’s really great that you’re hanging out with your friends and definitely continue for the next few weeks. Trust me, I know how hard it is. Sometimes all you need to start really living is a little shove in the right direction. So take my advice and go out sometime with your friends- party it up! lol you know what I mean. All you have to do is find ways for you to forget.
References :
During a break up, here’s what I do.
1) Cry and cry and cry. It’s important to let yourself feel sad about losing something that was important to you. I listen to sad music and just let myself feel it as much as I can.
2) Surround myself with girlfriends. They truly are the best people to cheer you up when you’re down about a guy.
3) Get a haircut or go shopping. It helps to feel really beautiful when you’re going through a period of time where you feel wretched on the inside.
4) Take some yoga classes. Before I took up yoga I would run, but the problem with that is that my head would still be spinning with thoughts. Yoga is the only exercise I’ve ever experienced where you literally don’t think about anything else for the full hour you’re there. It’s incredible.
It’s going to be hard. But with time it will get easier and you will be okay.
References :
I have been in your situation, as I’m sure many others have. I think that’s what helped me get through things, is realizing that it’s something we all go through at one point or another. I think it brought a lot of clarity for me to be aware and understand that we’ve all been hurt, and that if others can endure and overcome such situations, so can I. I know that it’s terribly daunting, and I don’t wish these feelings on anyone. I also felt like I couldn’t think straight after breaking up with the person who I loved immensely. But eventually, I was able to start putting myself and my happiness first, instead of constantly questioning why I couldn’t help to keep things together.
I think it would be helpful for you to think about who he is now rather than who he was when you guys were together. He is obviously not in a place to be in a relationship and has opted to put himself before you. There is no way you would want to remain in that kind of relationship, where someone doesn’t think about your well-being before his. Hopefully, that makes sense to you.
The decision he’s made is ultimately a selfish one. And if you keep that in mind, you’ll realize how important it is to keep true to yourself and eventually you will come across someone who can truly appreciate a relationship with you. Also, you never know, perhaps you guys will resume your relationship later down the line, once time has passed and you both realize what you still mean to each other. Be strong, confident in yourself, and also optimistic for whatever may come. I wish the best for you!
References :
You might laugh but I first fell in love at the age of eight with a plain looking girl who nonetheless seemed to me to have a beautiful character. All my happy childhood memories were with her, and of course childishly I believed we would live happily ever after. When I was 16, out of the blue she left. I spent more than a year, every night crying before I fell asleep. And my grades collapsed while I suffered my first serious depression. Eight years passed before I could begin to pretend that I was over her.
I’m approaching 40 now. Over 20 years have flown since Anna left me – still I love her. But she hasn’t been my only love. I’ve dated models, a writer, a musician, artists, even a girl who became a nun. Amongst them all, two I really loved and really lost.
Here’s what I want to say – I spent so much of my life hating myself, trying to figure out what was wrong, why my loves left. That question scorched my mind. Look, I don’t know you, in a way I’m just talking to myself, but I identify with your expression of pain and I want to say to you don’t, please don’t keep looking at yourself trying to figure out what’s wrong with you. Don’t blame yourself; don’t hate yourself; don’t harm yourself. A few years back I finally realised that what’s ‘wrong’ is the best part of me: I think a bit different to most other people, on personality tests I’m an extreme carer, politically I’m way out on the anarchist left, more collectivist and less authoritarian than Gandhi. Perhaps I’m strange – but in a good way. And I guess in your own way the same is true of you. Lovers come, and all too quickly lovers go. It doesn’t happen in the fairy tales, but in reality it’s the truth for most of us. A talented poet named Flavia once wrote about her deep insecurity. She is the most beautiful and intelligent person I’ve ever meet. I knew another girl, a Miss Brazil International, who once cried tears on my shoulder because she felt so alone. It’s true for all of us – the beautiful, the intelligent, the kind, the talented – lovers come and all too quickly lovers go. I know of no solution. I cannot believe the pain I have travelled through. But I do know now, that pain doesn’t mean something is wrong.
References :