Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

TNTV Week 38

Duration : 10 min

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we live in the same house.i kiss n hug intimately already to her.still shes looking for somebody not me,coz shes confused.help me.

The two of you need to get away from each other. One of you needs to move out so that you have some time apart to get over each other.

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http://www.loveofyourdreams.com. Nanette Geiger, Best Selling Author and Law of Attraction Relationship Coach's free video answers your burning questions on How to Find Love using the Law of Attraction.

Duration : 1 min 30 sec

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I broke up with my boyfriend via text message so I don’t feel I got much closure. Am I using that as an excuse not to move on or is closure really important?

Yes closure is needed. My ex broke up with me over text and we had to talk to get official closure.

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http://www.loveofyourdreams.com.
Nanette Geiger, Best Selling Author and Law of Attraction Relationship Coach's free video answers the question, "How can I improve my current relationship?"

Duration : 1 min 49 sec

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and how do you get that "closure" if the former spouse/partner is not willing to talk to you or cooperate in any way, shape or form? Formal counseling is not an option here due to insurance issues. So any suggestions?

I feel closure is necessary after a break-up, but you will each have your own opinions and views, since you are two people. The other person may not be willing. My mom didn’t get the closure of my dad leaving her until years later, when he finally decided to tell her that their break-up wasn’t her fault. This helped her then, but it probably would’ve done wonders for her years earlier, as she did go through bout’s of depression. I think it is best to take some time for yourself. Let the emotions come out, maybe write it out. A counselor once told me that writing out your feelings, addressing it to that person without the intentions of giving it to them, can actually help you. I have practiced this, and it has helped me. In addition, burning or destroying it after you have written it can also help too. The visualization of destroying does help, especially if the person won’t talk to you. If you want to write that person a letter so they know how you feel, intend on writing two letters. The first one will be your most raw feelings, that is the one you destroy. Then, as you have a chance to calm down after the first letter, write the second one in a calmer frame of mind. So, you have a couple of options. Regardless, you should take some time for yourself, give it at least 2 weeks to a month. In that time let it all out. As added closure for yourself, you can write a letter, but if you intend to give the person the letter then be prepared to write two letters. One letter for yourself to let all the raw emotions out and the second in a calmer state of mind, letting them know that the door is open if they choose to have closure as well. Let them know in the letter that you need to do this for yourself in order to move on and grow. That same counselor also told me never to start the letter with "you did this, you did that", never use "you" statements instead write "I feel" statements. "I am writing you this letter so that I can have some closure for myself and move on. I feel…" At this point you can decide whether you want to give them a letter or not. After you have taken this step, and probably cried a lot (which is another part of healing), take some time to sit down and write out some goals for yourself. Decide what you want to do for you. Write the goals out nice and big and post them in your room so you see it as a reminder every day when you wake up. Start accomplishing some of those goals for yourself and you will feel loads better. Better about yourself and better about life, knowing that you did it for you. Good Luck! =)

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My girlfriend just broke up with me this morning. I need to find some ways to get over her. We’ve only dated about two months (which sounds short) but we did so many things together. It’s hard to let go. Any ideas?

First of all, it it was a serious relationship, it usually take about double the time you dated to be completely over him/her (as in not picturing a reunion or anthing) First of all, give yourself a week to mourn it, look at old pictures, write an angry letter to her that u burn when you’re done, listen to songs that remind you of her. Then, get out of the house, get sexy, and meet new people (esp. cute girls). DON"T try to get into a relationship for at least a mo. or two. Be young, have fun and good luck! It will get better!

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It’s been about 2 weeks since my ex and I broke up and I have been seeking for answers this whole time. She broke things off because she felt like she needed to get done with school and couldn’t handle the pressures of a relationship at the moment. We are 21 and 22.

The first night she texted me saying how she wish it wasn’t this way and that she loves me and just wants to be with me.

However, the next few days it turns into her leaving because of me and her locking up and becoming cold and defensive. All of a sudden I see the whole "school and relationship stress" as an easy exit from me – a way she won’t feel as guilty about.

Now my problem is I don’t know how to bring this up to her without her becoming SUPER defensive. All she says is that "it is what is is. stop bugging me." Its turned into me being the reason she broke up. So I am a bit lost.

I understand she has been through a lot in life and I really haven’t so she says she doesn’t have the patience for me
to become a "man" and grow up. Even though she was happy with me and I was "everything she ever wanted in her life."

I had some growing up to do and wasn’t very experienced in the dating world and in general life but I wasn’t a complete idiot about everything. She thinks she needs more of a "man" than me but what I saw with her through the year we were together is that she is EXTREMELY hard to please. She’s never satisfied and so I need some help laying this out to her in an upfront way without causing drama.

I need to get this off my chest. She is such a defensive mean person though that I don’t know what to do. She is going to call me today to talk about things but I just am now "afraid" of being upfront with her because I know what will happen she will just shoot me down and get defensive.

I need closure in this thing and I need to get this stuff off of my chest.

She sounds alot like my ex.. I tell you from experience.. let her go.. She will become someone elses problem. You really do not need answers because it sounds like you know the answer already.. She is INSANE!! Even if she wanted to break away.. she doesn’t have to be mean or defensive.. trust me.. save your energy.. you will never win with this person no matter how hard you try or how right you are. Please listen.. I have been there… let her go!!!

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So here is what I’m dealing with. Excuse me if I jumps around and if it’s long. I’m trying to put it the best way that I know how so that you have all information to answer.

When my ex and I were still dating I came to his place the one night to ask questions about our relationship because I knew that something was up because he just wasn’t the same person a week or two earlier( He did tell me some stuff during those few weeks that were bothering him, but I knew that there had to be something more). That was when he told me that he thought that he was ready for a relationship again, but wasn’t. He said that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be 100 percent committed to one and that it wasn’t fair to me for me to be dragged through one…..[A brief history about him: has lived with an on-and-off ex for 3 years. Moved out a few times. Called the relationship bad. Said that he kept going back to her because he thought that he could make her change. Have more fun in life. Says that they are just friends. Has told me that they do still talk and go out for drinks. Found text messages (while we were dating)(and yes I know that that was bad) to think they could be more than just friends. I'm thinking Friends with Benifits(which really hurts me. I don't get the whole 'friends with benefits' thing, but that is a whole different issue. I just believe in morals, that's all).]

After he told me that he didn’t feel ready for a relationship I asked him if he still has feelings for me and he said ‘yes’. I asked him if he thought that there was a chance that we would get back together and he said ‘yes’. I asked him if he still had feelings for his ex(the on-off ex) and he said ‘no’. That he lost those feelings for her. When I was getting ready to leave his place we hugged for a good minute or two. A real good-hold hug. After the hug he placed my head in his hands and kissed me on the forehead. And that was that. About a month later(his work requires him to fly out week-on week-off) I came and got my things only to find that the on-off ex was there. I asked how he could do this to me and that I thought that he still had feelings for me. He said that he does have feelings for me. So then I asked him why she was there because it looked like they were back together(yeah I know. I was jumping the gun on this one. My mind thinks way too much) and he said that they were not. Practiaclly yelled it at me. Said that he couldn’t explain things right now. Then there was silence and then walked away. The following week after he got back from work we talked for about an hour on Facebook. I appologized for my part in the argument that we had when I came to get my things (first arguement that we’ve ever had. Had none while dating) Said that it was just hard to accept his answer when she was there. I told him that he really hurt me. He started telling me that he was sorry for a lot of things and was telling me how he was feeling. That it was hard for him to talk because like most men talking doesn’t come easily. So I thought things were starting to mend. Doors were opening again. A few days later his Facebook status said that he is lonely, but like anything the on-off ex comes to the rescue with a ‘when you’re lonely someone is thinking of you’ funpost. And then a few days after that he drove by my place (I live on a farm and he’s never been to my farm, but I have shown him where it is). And that was it.

It’s been 3 months since we broke up and 2 months since since we last had any conversation with each other. I have tried twice since the FB chat to open conversation. Once through a personal letter that I sent in the mail (I think that letter got to him. Did not receive it back telling me that it was not the right address. The only reason why I say I think he got it is because he still gets his mail through his on-off ex’s mailbox.Yeah, big warning sign, I know. I’ve told him that too in the letter) telling him how I’ve been feeling and that I didn’t want to pressure him into anything, but that when he was ready to talk and give me answers that I will be there. And just last week I wrote him an short email saying congratulations on the new job, best of luck. I only found that out from a post the on-off ex sent him saying congrats and how proud she was and best of luck with luv from her and her two kids(kids that are not his by the way). He deleted it the next day. I got no response from my little congrats email. Not even a thank you.

So I guess my questions are: Why the kiss on the forehead? Does he really still have feelings for his ex when he has told me otherwise? Is she a ‘Friends with Benefits’ ex? Why won’t he talk to me other than a few joke emails that he still sends ( I know that I get filtered now because I don’t get as many as when we were dating)? Is this his way of getting over me? Why delete the FB message from the on-off ex about the new job and being so proud, blah, blah, blah with luv….? Why tell me that
I do still have feelings for him.
I see that some lines got missed out. Here is what got mIs this his way of getting over me? Why delete the FB message from the on-off ex about the new job and being so proud, blah, blah, blah with luv….? Why tell me that he still has feelings for me when maybe there really isn’t? Why talk to me about marriage and kids and furniture for ‘our’ cabin while we were dating? Was he just being kind? I don’t want kind, I want the truth and if that hurts then so be it. I’ve been depressed since the break up and I’ve NEVER been this depressed before. Some days are better than others. I’m trying to move on with my life, but it is hard when the one person that I want to talk to me won’t. I live in a small town and have no friends around. I pretty much get up, go to work and come home. I cry often. Sometimes to sleep. My work has suffered since the break up. Can’t concentrate. I do talk to friends on-line but it’s not the same as having someone right there with you.
I think that I would be able to move on if he would only talk to me and tell me the truth. That if he doesn’t have feelings for me and is back with the on-off ex then tell me. I would be furious with him for leading me on, but would see that he doesn’t want me in his life and would move on. I need closure and feel like I’m not getting that because I’m not getting any answers. Answers to which I think that I deserve. Is it wrong of me to think that? Sometimes people say that sometimes it’s better to not know and just leave things as is. But I say how can you find closure if you don’t know? It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is also said that out of sight is out of mind. How can those two be reconciled? Which one is right? Which one is wrong? My mind is going a mile a minute with all these different scenarios of what he could be doing when he’s home or thinking and I know that this is a killer for me and I shouldn’t be doing it.
I wish that my mind would just stop. I’m just confused and so alone. Could he just be as confused and alone as I am and is scared to talk?

Yes. It’s clear you still have feelings for him.

When you first began to notice changes in him- – - that was AFTERthe tide turned in his life – - – whatever it may have been.

That he felt compelled to tell you that he didn’t think it was fair fo you (yada-yada), was his attempt to back out of the relationship gracefully.

The kiss on the forehead was another indicator from him that the relationship had diminished to a less-than-intimate status.

It sounds like on-off ex offers him something strong enough to pull him back, again & again.

It also sounds like on-off ex offers something strong enough to make him leave, again & again.

It sounds like this guy may several issues of his own.

I am inclined to believe that YOU were a commercial between quarters of the big game.

When love ends, it always seems to be final. As in, "that was the love of my life; without that person, I am nothing; that person was PERFCT for me; NO ONE will have the things that person had to offer; I will NEVER meet anyone like that again; I am DOOMED to be loveless for the rest of my life."

Seek out men who WANT to be with you: like the old saying "turn it free: if it likes you enough, it’ll come back. . ."

Ensure that the men in whom you are interested are available physically & emotionally- – -otherwise you are torturing yourself and wasting time.

Right now, you need to focus on taking care of yourself & respecting yourself.

Locate your strengths and work to your strengths: you will gain confidence through your success and with confidence, you will attract the attention of other men.

Learn to savor your lonely life- – - it is peaceful, it is quiet, you are free. . . it may be VERY DEPRESSING at first, but if I can do it- – - anyone can do it.

Contact me if I have struck a chord or if you just care to vent, okay?

I know misery. Misery knows me. Misery and I are best friends.
———————————————————————————

I am worried about you. . .

As I said, I have been there – - -EXACTLY where you are.

My pain was practically intolerable- – -very nearly so.

Please read my short story:

I was divorced after 20 years with no good answers as to why THAT went sour (bad enough), but then: I rebounded into a relationship with a girl who told me EVERYTHING I wanted to hear. Love, Future, Plans for this & that etc etc etc. She turned out to be an alcoholic. . . I had NO IDEA just how miserable life could be. Now I know. I am free & sane. Generally happy, trying to understand that I am NOT lonely.
It is hard.

Coming out of the divorce— my ex got all the friends. I have always been a loyal loner: best friend=spouse & maybe one ofr two others IF THERE IS TIME. I live in a HUGE metropolitan area. Everyone works alot and has no time.

So, EXACTLY like you, I found myself alarmingly alone at a time shortly after my mother father & grandmother had died.

I felt very abandoned and VERY lonely.

That is my story.

To help myself, I try to help others.

Your mind will go a thousand miles a minute.
You will try very hard to make sense of it all.
You will be very depressed and alienated.
You will lose sleep.
You will cry.

You may never find closure. . .

Once you realize that frustration and self-torture you are living through, you WILL BEGIN to accept the futility of it all.

Once you begin to accept that you will never understand your pain, you will s l o w l y find peace.

I read a book that helped me very much- – - "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. He lives in Vancouver, BC.

This is roughly Tolle’s approach. (I am WAY oversimplifying it.)

Ask yourself how you are feeling.
If you are feel ing good, just check in again later.

If you are feeling bad, identify the cause:
=> Is there anything YOU can do to stop the bad feeling?
===> If ‘yes’: take action and make the bad feeling stop.
===> If there is nothing YOU can do to stop the bad feeling,
======> You can choose to either:
==========> Live with the bad feeling & its impact on you,
==========> Or, just acknowledge to yourself that this bad feeling is real and it is making you feel really bad. Since it is out of your control, there is nothing you can do about it BUT accept it.

By repeatedly asking yourself how you are feeling at that precise moment, you will eventually come to accept this bad feeling.

(Understand that one of the reasons you feel bad, is that there is SO MUCH about the situation that you don’t know & CANNOT ACCEPT!!!! )

So, Tolle’s approach is to focus on your FEELINGS. If you cannot stop the bad feelings by taking action, you can only a) choose to live with the misery, or, b) acknowledge the feeling and gradually accept it. . .

Again, I am extremely worried about you.

I feel certain that I can offer you solace.

Do not hesitate to contact me.

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I’ve been talking to a girl for 2 months now. I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but she has been in an abusive relationship and is having trouble trusting me because of her ex. She’s 19 and they were married but she got an annulment in December. She hasn’t seen the guy since December and yet it’s still real hard on her. How do I help her out? What should I do?

well this will be the hardest thing you have ever tried to take on. i was in a very abusive relationship for 10 yrs and i have tons of issues that nobody but me can fix however my boyfriend has helped a lot in retraining me how to be in a relationship. you need to know that instead of talking she will probably have a fight or flight thing going for a while because thats how you learn to protect yourself. you need to be understanding. its very hard to break old habits but eventually you do. i still cower when someone raises their hand when we argue and its frusturating to my boyfriend because he thinks i group all men in a catergory of being abusers. i really didnt know how to love someone i thought love from a man was based on what i did for him. im still learning that lesson and so are most abused women. you need to be very aware of your words becasue any thing can bring old feelings flooding back and make her go into physco mode!! depending on how bad the abuse was you may suggest her talking to a professional or you be her sounding board let her vent to you about how scary and what its done to her for someone to have treated her like that. some men can handle that much damage and some cant jsut depends on how far your willing to go to help her overcome her issues. treat her with total respect. trust comes with time but i can promse she will always have doubts in her mind that will surface at times and cause problems. its a very hard road but hopefully she wasnt in it for very long and can overcome the mental part of it. anyways good luck and i hope it works out for y’all!!

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