Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

and how do you get that "closure" if the former spouse/partner is not willing to talk to you or cooperate in any way, shape or form? Formal counseling is not an option here due to insurance issues. So any suggestions?

I feel closure is necessary after a break-up, but you will each have your own opinions and views, since you are two people. The other person may not be willing. My mom didn’t get the closure of my dad leaving her until years later, when he finally decided to tell her that their break-up wasn’t her fault. This helped her then, but it probably would’ve done wonders for her years earlier, as she did go through bout’s of depression. I think it is best to take some time for yourself. Let the emotions come out, maybe write it out. A counselor once told me that writing out your feelings, addressing it to that person without the intentions of giving it to them, can actually help you. I have practiced this, and it has helped me. In addition, burning or destroying it after you have written it can also help too. The visualization of destroying does help, especially if the person won’t talk to you. If you want to write that person a letter so they know how you feel, intend on writing two letters. The first one will be your most raw feelings, that is the one you destroy. Then, as you have a chance to calm down after the first letter, write the second one in a calmer frame of mind. So, you have a couple of options. Regardless, you should take some time for yourself, give it at least 2 weeks to a month. In that time let it all out. As added closure for yourself, you can write a letter, but if you intend to give the person the letter then be prepared to write two letters. One letter for yourself to let all the raw emotions out and the second in a calmer state of mind, letting them know that the door is open if they choose to have closure as well. Let them know in the letter that you need to do this for yourself in order to move on and grow. That same counselor also told me never to start the letter with "you did this, you did that", never use "you" statements instead write "I feel" statements. "I am writing you this letter so that I can have some closure for myself and move on. I feel…" At this point you can decide whether you want to give them a letter or not. After you have taken this step, and probably cried a lot (which is another part of healing), take some time to sit down and write out some goals for yourself. Decide what you want to do for you. Write the goals out nice and big and post them in your room so you see it as a reminder every day when you wake up. Start accomplishing some of those goals for yourself and you will feel loads better. Better about yourself and better about life, knowing that you did it for you. Good Luck! =)

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It was a bad break-up after 7 years together, and I don’t want any contact with that person. We have been apart for 4 years. Every few years my ex intrudes on my life – sometimes with frivolous lawsuits, sometimes leaving tearful messages. The ex was a very troubled, sometimes abusive person with drug problems. I usually ignore the messages (except to call back and ask to be left alone), but it gets me nowhere. The ex contacted me recently (another VM), and tearfully requested closure. This person thinks that closure will help them be a better person. I have moved on and I’m tired of being bothered. What to do?
I have changed my number many times. Changed all contact info, but this person persists to bother me, or call my family.

Get a lawyer to write him a letter. Have him tell your ex that you don’t want any contact from him/her at all in the future by any means possible and that you have had enough "closure" from him/her. And that if there is any further contact from them, that you will ask for a restraining order and see about having them charged criminally for harassment. And THAT will be their closure!

That should take care of it. By the way, if you change your number many times, how are they getting it? Are they secretly in contact with a member of your family? And is your number unlisted? You should look into that. You could always set a canary trap.

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