Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

If there are questions left unanswered after a break up do you need them answered in order to move on. Or do you forget about them hold your head high and not lower your self to chasing the person for answers? I opted for the second part I held my head high and moved on but I still find myself asking questions. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

I think the "closure" thing is over-hyped. I think even if you have the chance to ask every question you can think of, you will still end up wondering about something. Either because you can’t be sure the answers were truthful, or because the answers you get just don’t explain enough.

Many of my female friend’s seem to think "closure" is taking one last opportunity to tell the guy every little thing that ever annoyed them- very few questions get asked. They get a lot of resentment out of their system and feel better, and the guy wanders off thinking "gee whiz, I guess she really hated me"

Ultimately, I think you just have to accept that it didn’t work. Some part is probably your fault, some isn’t.

Might be nice to know about any drastic errors you made, to avoid repeating, but I guess most of us already know those without having to ask.
The real closure is all going to be from within anyway.
I doubt having a few more details about the problems will really help.

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I had so many fake friends in my life who I don’t talk to anymore. I haven’t found it in my heart to forgive them (and I don’t think I ever will, honestly.) They hurt me really bad, betrayed me and backstabbed me. I still can’t help but wonder why they treated me that way. These are girls who I never want to see again and I want to move on, but I just can’t.

What’s the best way to move on?

Being backstabbed can hurt, but the best way to react is to disassociate yourself from these people and hang with people who will impact you positively and help you move on.

Technorati Tags: closure, move

I met a wonderful guy about a month ago. I was going through a divorce with my husband and he was going thru a divorce (his wife cheated). We spoke on the phone a few times and hung out about three times. All of his friends and family know how much he wants a divorce but have asked him to wait a few months because his wife is pregnant and they didn’t want her getting upset and running off with the baby. Our relationship was very innocent. I tried not to get too close to him. His wife really hurt him by sleeping with his best friend and I didn’t want to be the rebound so we remained friends. I kept my distance. And I’ve never let him think I cared much about him even though I did. When I found myself becoming more and more attached to him, I’d pull away. Basically, I sent him a lot of mixed signals. Recently, his wife found out he was talking to someone. He called me a few days after that and said he’d call me back when things cooled off. A day later he calls and gets upset at me for calling him on his wife’s cell phone. I got really upset and accused him of calling me “stupid”. I would never do such a thing and I don’t even know his wife’s phone number. Although, I think she was playing some kind of trick on him. Anyway, I haven’t heard from him after that. I was so upset at our last conversation, so when he said he’d call me again sometime, I brushed him off. It’s been a few weeks now and I’m feeling really shitty. I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I need some closure. If I’m never going to see or speak to him again, I wish I could just say goodbye and that I’m sorry for getting involved. I care deeply about him and I just want him to be happy. Do I call him and wish him a good life or just move on and try to forget?

I wouldnt bother.
he also has sent you mixed signals, getting divorced but doesnt want to rock the boat etc…
then she getting moody cos of your friendship whilst pregnant, getting a divorce and cheating!

Id say you’re better off out of it….. they seem to be using other people just to score points off each other.

If it is just a bad time and a mixed bag then he may just get in contact in the future when his feelings are no longer raw.
You dont need to be dragged into their dirty washing.

Technorati Tags: closure, find, forget, move

I really thought this guy liked me…he was sending all the signals, but never asked me out. He sent me chocolate and a card on Valentine’s Day and it was then that I told him I liked him as more than a friend. He had previously been very awkward and shy but he started talking to me more after that and said he would be interested. Things died down a bit and I started to get over him, but I was really confused as to what he wanted since his signals were so mixed! I had a mutual friend ask him what he was planning to do with me. He told the friend that he doesn’t think relationships are worth it in high school because he thinks they will end quickly and he doesn’t have the time, but he really wants to stay friends and keep talking with me and doesn’t want me to think he’s a jerk. I was expecting that, but needless to say, I was still a little disappointed. I know his parents are very strict (he doesn’t have a cell phone or facebook) and make him take hard classes, so I totally understand why he wouldn’t be ready for a relationship. The thing is, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, just a date! But now that I know it’s a lost cause, I’m ready to move on. However, other people found out which is upsetting because I don’t want them to feel bad for me because I don’t feel bad myself. One person flat out said she felt bad for me, and I could sense it in another guy’s tone of voice. They both thought he liked me and felt bad that it wasn’t so. Anyways, the mutual friend told him to talk to me about it, but he never did. He probably still thinks I like him. Should I let it go? Or should I confront him about it? I think I want to talk to him about it because I need closure. We’re in high school.

.Better if both of you talk about this,rationally.Don’t involve "friends".

Technorati Tags: closure, guy, mixed, move, signals

Ha ohh yeah it definitely is..you need closure in order for you to move on or it wont get you anywhere.

Good luck!

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A lot of traumatic things in my childhood and early adulthood. I want to unload the baggage I’ve been carrying around for so long. Anyone else with this issue, your advice is appreciated.

Do you mean to confront this person that has caused you a lot hurt? Then you will need someone to be at your side so that it will not develop into a argument. You need to forgive this hurtful person, that usually brings the closure you seek. Once you have forgiven, you are free to go on with your life. What the other persons reaction will be, should have no effect on your decision to forgive. most of us have an issue like that, and once we understand that we control our decision, and have no control over the other persons reaction, we are free of carrying the hurt.

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and what is ‘closure’ to be exact?
like what certain things in how a relationship ends will tell if you had closure?

For me knowing why it ended and being able to say good by

For me my list its
-Know why we broke up
-Know this wasn’t some test to see if I’ll fight for her
-break up sex and kiss (if we were that intimate), if you still have feelings for her the last time takes on special signifigance…its kind of burns in your memeory till you get over her. Which I can do a little quicker, than otherwise.

Technorati Tags: closure, easier, honestly, move

and what technically is ‘closure’?
like what certain things will tell if you had a closure with someone?

Closure is psycho-babble nonsense. Your problem is not in the past, your problem is the present. You can’t address the present by looking backwards. If you have not eaten in a week, you need food, you don’t need an explanation as to why you have not eaten. Its not a matter of getting closure and then moving on, that’s backwards. You move on and then closure will come.

If you’ve experienced the loss of a relationship, you need the things that the relationship provided (acceptance, companionship, love etc), you don’t need some detailed explanation of why it didn’t work. Even if you were to receive some great explanation, that does nothing for your present needs of acceptance, companionship, love etc.

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I’m 16 and i dated this boy for a year. And i now realize that he was verbaly abusive to me and manipulative and im still in love with him and i am afraid of him and moving on. help?

don’t try to pursue a friendship or relationship with someone that brings you down or hurts you in any way. you should cut him off and move on to someone that treats you the way you want to be treated.

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My boyfriend works 80 milles away and works sometimes long hours…I am considering moving in the town he works so we can be closer but really love livng in our home town, where I work. I will not move there and commute, but would look for other employment. I don’t know if I should just stay home and let him continue to commute and have to accept there will be nights he won’t come home due to time and miles. Any advice?

You need to think if this is really the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life. If not I highly don’t suggest you do that. You don’t want to drop everything for some1 you don’t know is always going to be there.
But this is a really big decision that is ultimatly yours to take, you do what you think is best don’t let anybody tell you what’s right or wrong. It’s up to you

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