Dating an older guy. Is he afraid to get hurt again, lonely, or just using me for sex?
Sunday, May 16th, 2010I’m dating this super sensitive guy who’s 8 years older than me (I’m still in college). He’s been hurt really badly before after a 6 year relationship that ended a year ago. He’s very sweet to me, but whenever he talks about his ex he gets teary eyed and it makes me feel like he still has feelings for her. Its been over 6 months that we’ve been seeing each other, and he sends me super mixed signals as to what he wants, and says he’s afraid to get hurt again. He says it’s not about his ex, but he feels like he’s not good enough for me and has to get his life together (moneywise). I told him I dont care about that. He’s introduced me to all his friends, but some nights he wont answer his phone, and others he will, but be very short and distant. When I tried to break up with him out of frustration he begged me not to and that he really cares about me. Which melted my heart because I really care for him too. He says I’m the only girl he’s seeing, but I see no sign of commitment.
He has his ex all over his mind, heart, veins, and who knows where else (hint). It was 6 years. That is a long time, and then all when down the toilet. It is not easy to just forget. And no matter whose fault was the break up, at the end, probably not just him, bit her as well got hurt very bad. So is normal to be afraid, some people are afraid of just dating again cause they could get hurt again.
I’m not sure if he is with you because he wants to forget, or because he really felt in love with you, or for sex… or a combination of everything. And it might be a mystery for you forever, as he might never tell you, or worse; he might don’t even know it himself.
One thing is for sure, he doesn’t want to get hurt again, and he needs someone to be there for him too. And right now, you are that person. If you love him, and care for him as you said, then you have a good chance to help him. As long he is not an asshole (I don’t know that, and probably is too early for you to really know), he will appreciate what you are doing, and if he is honest and serious about how much he claims he cares about you, then you two probably have a good future.
As per my own experience, the key is to be honest with each other. Nobody is Superman, he was hurt and needs help, you can give it to him, so is only up to you to decide what you want to do with the relation. But don’t stay just because you are sorry for him, cause it will sooner or later be worse.
If you decide to be with him, then you two need to sit down, and talk, long honest talk, many times, as many as needed and even more. Make him understand how you feel, and try to understand how he feels. Things might become much better sooner than you think.
And don’t look for commitment yet, he is not ready, that is for sure. First you need to let him see that you are there really for him, and that you will not leave him. It is not easy cause you are pretty much making a commitment while he hasn’t. But that what true love is, to give without asking anything in return.
Good luck.
what should I do?
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http://bit.ly/XHpcN – CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR EX BACK
