Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

I met a wonderful guy about a month ago. I was going through a divorce with my husband and he was going thru a divorce (his wife cheated). We spoke on the phone a few times and hung out about three times. All of his friends and family know how much he wants a divorce but have asked him to wait a few months because his wife is pregnant and they didn’t want her getting upset and running off with the baby. Our relationship was very innocent. I tried not to get too close to him. His wife really hurt him by sleeping with his best friend and I didn’t want to be the rebound so we remained friends. I kept my distance. And I’ve never let him think I cared much about him even though I did. When I found myself becoming more and more attached to him, I’d pull away. Basically, I sent him a lot of mixed signals. Recently, his wife found out he was talking to someone. He called me a few days after that and said he’d call me back when things cooled off. A day later he calls and gets upset at me for calling him on his wife’s cell phone. I got really upset and accused him of calling me “stupid”. I would never do such a thing and I don’t even know his wife’s phone number. Although, I think she was playing some kind of trick on him. Anyway, I haven’t heard from him after that. I was so upset at our last conversation, so when he said he’d call me again sometime, I brushed him off. It’s been a few weeks now and I’m feeling really shitty. I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I need some closure. If I’m never going to see or speak to him again, I wish I could just say goodbye and that I’m sorry for getting involved. I care deeply about him and I just want him to be happy. Do I call him and wish him a good life or just move on and try to forget?

I wouldnt bother.
he also has sent you mixed signals, getting divorced but doesnt want to rock the boat etc…
then she getting moody cos of your friendship whilst pregnant, getting a divorce and cheating!

Id say you’re better off out of it….. they seem to be using other people just to score points off each other.

If it is just a bad time and a mixed bag then he may just get in contact in the future when his feelings are no longer raw.
You dont need to be dragged into their dirty washing.

Technorati Tags: closure, find, forget, move

So here is what I’m dealing with. Excuse me if I jumps around and if it’s long. I’m trying to put it the best way that I know how so that you have all information to answer.

When my ex and I were still dating I came to his place the one night to ask questions about our relationship because I knew that something was up because he just wasn’t the same person a week or two earlier( He did tell me some stuff during those few weeks that were bothering him, but I knew that there had to be something more). That was when he told me that he thought that he was ready for a relationship again, but wasn’t. He said that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be 100 percent committed to one and that it wasn’t fair to me for me to be dragged through one…..[A brief history about him: has lived with an on-and-off ex for 3 years. Moved out a few times. Called the relationship bad. Said that he kept going back to her because he thought that he could make her change. Have more fun in life. Says that they are just friends. Has told me that they do still talk and go out for drinks. Found text messages (while we were dating)(and yes I know that that was bad) to think they could be more than just friends. I'm thinking Friends with Benifits(which really hurts me. I don't get the whole 'friends with benefits' thing, but that is a whole different issue. I just believe in morals, that's all).]

After he told me that he didn’t feel ready for a relationship I asked him if he still has feelings for me and he said ‘yes’. I asked him if he thought that there was a chance that we would get back together and he said ‘yes’. I asked him if he still had feelings for his ex(the on-off ex) and he said ‘no’. That he lost those feelings for her. When I was getting ready to leave his place we hugged for a good minute or two. A real good-hold hug. After the hug he placed my head in his hands and kissed me on the forehead. And that was that. About a month later(his work requires him to fly out week-on week-off) I came and got my things only to find that the on-off ex was there. I asked how he could do this to me and that I thought that he still had feelings for me. He said that he does have feelings for me. So then I asked him why she was there because it looked like they were back together(yeah I know. I was jumping the gun on this one. My mind thinks way too much) and he said that they were not. Practiaclly yelled it at me. Said that he couldn’t explain things right now. Then there was silence and then walked away. The following week after he got back from work we talked for about an hour on Facebook. I appologized for my part in the argument that we had when I came to get my things (first arguement that we’ve ever had. Had none while dating) Said that it was just hard to accept his answer when she was there. I told him that he really hurt me. He started telling me that he was sorry for a lot of things and was telling me how he was feeling. That it was hard for him to talk because like most men talking doesn’t come easily. So I thought things were starting to mend. Doors were opening again. A few days later his Facebook status said that he is lonely, but like anything the on-off ex comes to the rescue with a ‘when you’re lonely someone is thinking of you’ funpost. And then a few days after that he drove by my place (I live on a farm and he’s never been to my farm, but I have shown him where it is). And that was it.

It’s been 3 months since we broke up and 2 months since since we last had any conversation with each other. I have tried twice since the FB chat to open conversation. Once through a personal letter that I sent in the mail (I think that letter got to him. Did not receive it back telling me that it was not the right address. The only reason why I say I think he got it is because he still gets his mail through his on-off ex’s mailbox.Yeah, big warning sign, I know. I’ve told him that too in the letter) telling him how I’ve been feeling and that I didn’t want to pressure him into anything, but that when he was ready to talk and give me answers that I will be there. And just last week I wrote him an short email saying congratulations on the new job, best of luck. I only found that out from a post the on-off ex sent him saying congrats and how proud she was and best of luck with luv from her and her two kids(kids that are not his by the way). He deleted it the next day. I got no response from my little congrats email. Not even a thank you.

So I guess my questions are: Why the kiss on the forehead? Does he really still have feelings for his ex when he has told me otherwise? Is she a ‘Friends with Benefits’ ex? Why won’t he talk to me other than a few joke emails that he still sends ( I know that I get filtered now because I don’t get as many as when we were dating)? Is this his way of getting over me? Why delete the FB message from the on-off ex about the new job and being so proud, blah, blah, blah with luv….? Why tell me that
I do still have feelings for him.
I see that some lines got missed out. Here is what got mIs this his way of getting over me? Why delete the FB message from the on-off ex about the new job and being so proud, blah, blah, blah with luv….? Why tell me that he still has feelings for me when maybe there really isn’t? Why talk to me about marriage and kids and furniture for ‘our’ cabin while we were dating? Was he just being kind? I don’t want kind, I want the truth and if that hurts then so be it. I’ve been depressed since the break up and I’ve NEVER been this depressed before. Some days are better than others. I’m trying to move on with my life, but it is hard when the one person that I want to talk to me won’t. I live in a small town and have no friends around. I pretty much get up, go to work and come home. I cry often. Sometimes to sleep. My work has suffered since the break up. Can’t concentrate. I do talk to friends on-line but it’s not the same as having someone right there with you.
I think that I would be able to move on if he would only talk to me and tell me the truth. That if he doesn’t have feelings for me and is back with the on-off ex then tell me. I would be furious with him for leading me on, but would see that he doesn’t want me in his life and would move on. I need closure and feel like I’m not getting that because I’m not getting any answers. Answers to which I think that I deserve. Is it wrong of me to think that? Sometimes people say that sometimes it’s better to not know and just leave things as is. But I say how can you find closure if you don’t know? It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is also said that out of sight is out of mind. How can those two be reconciled? Which one is right? Which one is wrong? My mind is going a mile a minute with all these different scenarios of what he could be doing when he’s home or thinking and I know that this is a killer for me and I shouldn’t be doing it.
I wish that my mind would just stop. I’m just confused and so alone. Could he just be as confused and alone as I am and is scared to talk?

Yes. It’s clear you still have feelings for him.

When you first began to notice changes in him- – - that was AFTERthe tide turned in his life – - – whatever it may have been.

That he felt compelled to tell you that he didn’t think it was fair fo you (yada-yada), was his attempt to back out of the relationship gracefully.

The kiss on the forehead was another indicator from him that the relationship had diminished to a less-than-intimate status.

It sounds like on-off ex offers him something strong enough to pull him back, again & again.

It also sounds like on-off ex offers something strong enough to make him leave, again & again.

It sounds like this guy may several issues of his own.

I am inclined to believe that YOU were a commercial between quarters of the big game.

When love ends, it always seems to be final. As in, "that was the love of my life; without that person, I am nothing; that person was PERFCT for me; NO ONE will have the things that person had to offer; I will NEVER meet anyone like that again; I am DOOMED to be loveless for the rest of my life."

Seek out men who WANT to be with you: like the old saying "turn it free: if it likes you enough, it’ll come back. . ."

Ensure that the men in whom you are interested are available physically & emotionally- – -otherwise you are torturing yourself and wasting time.

Right now, you need to focus on taking care of yourself & respecting yourself.

Locate your strengths and work to your strengths: you will gain confidence through your success and with confidence, you will attract the attention of other men.

Learn to savor your lonely life- – - it is peaceful, it is quiet, you are free. . . it may be VERY DEPRESSING at first, but if I can do it- – - anyone can do it.

Contact me if I have struck a chord or if you just care to vent, okay?

I know misery. Misery knows me. Misery and I are best friends.
———————————————————————————

I am worried about you. . .

As I said, I have been there – - -EXACTLY where you are.

My pain was practically intolerable- – -very nearly so.

Please read my short story:

I was divorced after 20 years with no good answers as to why THAT went sour (bad enough), but then: I rebounded into a relationship with a girl who told me EVERYTHING I wanted to hear. Love, Future, Plans for this & that etc etc etc. She turned out to be an alcoholic. . . I had NO IDEA just how miserable life could be. Now I know. I am free & sane. Generally happy, trying to understand that I am NOT lonely.
It is hard.

Coming out of the divorce— my ex got all the friends. I have always been a loyal loner: best friend=spouse & maybe one ofr two others IF THERE IS TIME. I live in a HUGE metropolitan area. Everyone works alot and has no time.

So, EXACTLY like you, I found myself alarmingly alone at a time shortly after my mother father & grandmother had died.

I felt very abandoned and VERY lonely.

That is my story.

To help myself, I try to help others.

Your mind will go a thousand miles a minute.
You will try very hard to make sense of it all.
You will be very depressed and alienated.
You will lose sleep.
You will cry.

You may never find closure. . .

Once you realize that frustration and self-torture you are living through, you WILL BEGIN to accept the futility of it all.

Once you begin to accept that you will never understand your pain, you will s l o w l y find peace.

I read a book that helped me very much- – - "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. He lives in Vancouver, BC.

This is roughly Tolle’s approach. (I am WAY oversimplifying it.)

Ask yourself how you are feeling.
If you are feel ing good, just check in again later.

If you are feeling bad, identify the cause:
=> Is there anything YOU can do to stop the bad feeling?
===> If ‘yes’: take action and make the bad feeling stop.
===> If there is nothing YOU can do to stop the bad feeling,
======> You can choose to either:
==========> Live with the bad feeling & its impact on you,
==========> Or, just acknowledge to yourself that this bad feeling is real and it is making you feel really bad. Since it is out of your control, there is nothing you can do about it BUT accept it.

By repeatedly asking yourself how you are feeling at that precise moment, you will eventually come to accept this bad feeling.

(Understand that one of the reasons you feel bad, is that there is SO MUCH about the situation that you don’t know & CANNOT ACCEPT!!!! )

So, Tolle’s approach is to focus on your FEELINGS. If you cannot stop the bad feelings by taking action, you can only a) choose to live with the misery, or, b) acknowledge the feeling and gradually accept it. . .

Again, I am extremely worried about you.

I feel certain that I can offer you solace.

Do not hesitate to contact me.

Technorati Tags: break, closure, find, long, relationship

I see so many people saying, "I need a girlfriend", or "I want to find a woman to marry" Do they REALLY think they’ll find "the one" HERE? Does anyone else find this strange?

some desperate people do

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??

chubbychasers.com

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i have lots of friends on the web i am looking for a kind gentle man to ride me in to the moonlite i have been to clubs to find him so if ur 38 / 45 drop me a line erowe12jb at yahoo .co.uk

Yes you can – my friend swears by match.com

Not free, but £20 per month (or £60 for 6 months) and guaranteed love.

Hes been on so many fab dates already.

good luck
xx

Technorati Tags: find, Love, realy, web

if so where?……..any place thats free?

I’ve heard of it, though i prefer the old-fashioned way (meeting in person). Hundreds of thousands of people are on sites like e-harmony and itsjustlunch. So yes, i would say it is definitely possible to find love of the world wide web. After all, one out of every eight couples who got married last year met online! I’m sorry though i don’t know of any free ones, though some let you review your "matches" for free or give you a free trial. hope i helped!

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I find it kind of hard to believe that some people say they have meet on an dating web site because were they live very far away, and can hardly date each other to get to know each other (well they are talking online tho)

Do you really believe you could find true love on dating web sites?

I just want to know your options

Thanks

Have A Laughing Day

P.S. You do not have to tell me if you do not want to.

yes,,,because i cannot get anyone to date me when I see them

Technorati Tags: dating, find, Love, sites, true, web

It seems the Christians I meet have met Christ when there has been hardship like recovering from alcohol, drugs divorce and I was wondering exactly why, why if you didnt need Christ than all of a sudden you clung to him, and if it helped you or made life worse was the decision to follow Jesus yours or when you were hurting was he introduced upon you by someone else as the way to ease the pain in your heart.

The opposite happened to me i lost my faith at a time of hardship. i guess life tends to throw us in certain directions. I like to think there is some sort of reasoning behind everything. but personally religion does feel like it acts as a band aid. i try to put my faith in friends and family they dont let u down.

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So you here all the excuses all the time as to why someone is single.

Ohhh I don’t have the time.

All the good men are taken.

I’m too picky.

These all stem from insecurities within ourselves that are preventing us from getting into a healthy stream of dating relaitonships or settling down in a long term one.

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