Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

A lot of traumatic things in my childhood and early adulthood. I want to unload the baggage I’ve been carrying around for so long. Anyone else with this issue, your advice is appreciated.

Do you mean to confront this person that has caused you a lot hurt? Then you will need someone to be at your side so that it will not develop into a argument. You need to forgive this hurtful person, that usually brings the closure you seek. Once you have forgiven, you are free to go on with your life. What the other persons reaction will be, should have no effect on your decision to forgive. most of us have an issue like that, and once we understand that we control our decision, and have no control over the other persons reaction, we are free of carrying the hurt.

Technorati Tags: carry, closure, feelings, finally, hurt, move

Should you tell someone you start to date about your past? Well, if you’re separated or divorced, yes it’s only fair to tell at least that fact, or if you have children, but, when you get out of a mentally, or physically (or both) abusive relationship, do you tell someone who wants to date you about it? Should you do it BEFORE getting involved? After a few dates? Never?

Firstly Congratulations on getting out.

It takes a lot of strength to walk away from a relationship like that. Now you know DEFINATELY the kind of person you DON’T want to date so when you are ready to try again you will be able to see the things you don’t want in a partener quickly and get out while you stilll can.

After an abusive relationship it can be tempting to spread the word that you were abused and tell everyone you know so that it can’t happen to them. While in some cases this can be healthy you also run the risk of scaring away positive relationships in the making by putting a neon sign on your head calling out for someone to fill the hole. In some cases it is appropriate to say "i was abused" but because it is not a nice thing to happen to anyone it can be scary to those who have been lucky enough to avoid it.

Separation, divorce, single with kids etc. are not as taboo in society as abuse.

Personally i would try to form a relationship with someone, find out if there is something about that person that makes you feel uneasy in the relationship. Get to know them and then when you feel you can say "i’m not ready to do this in our relationship, there are things from my past that scare me, it’s not you but i need you to understand and help me through this so we can be better partners" without feeling as though the person will get upset at you and walk out on you, you have found someone who cares about you regardless of what happened in the past.

You do not need someone who will treat you like the abuser, you do not need someone who will walk away when you need them most, you need someone you can trust to treat you as a human being.

It does get better, the pain fades but you never forget.

I reccommend you find a copy of a book called "women who love too much" By Robyn Norwood. I won’t lie to you. It’s very hard to read. It’s full of true stories about abuse and there will be parts of each and every story that you will identify with. At the end it gives you some ways that can help you become even stronger than you already are and shows that you can break the cycle and get away from "bad choices"

It was reccommended to me and the first time i picked it up i couldn’t finish the first page. I thought it was stupid and had nothing to do with me. A week later i was told to try again and i got through two pages. The third time i was asked to read it i sat down and read about 5 chapters. I was told afterwards that it was hard to read because i could identify with the feelings the people had and it was too close to home. It’s worth every word on every page and then some. Persevere and you will get through.

I wish you all the best in the future.

I have been abused and i have learnt from getting out. I now have a wonderful man in my life who treats my daughter as his own and treats me like i am his world.

You deserve that too.

Technorati Tags: abusive, finally, relationshipmarriage

I know divorce is obviously the next step, but we have a house that we just purchased in March. Brand new. We have joint bills together. The cell phones are in his name so I gave him my cell phone back, so I have no way to communicate now. Luckily we don’t have kids. I have about $800 to my name. I do have a full-time job so that’s good. I am about to go stay at my cousin’s house until I can contact the realtor tomorrow about selling the house. I have not quite broken down yet but I know reality will hit me tomorrow. We have been married for 3 years too long. Anybody that has read my posts knows the situation. He is a liar, has cheated and he is very manipulative. He has gotten to the point to where he doesn’t want me to say ANYTHING to him about anything. When I say that I mean, if he’s going the wrong way on the freeway he doesn’t want me to correct him. Saturday, we were going to his parents and all I asked is if it would be an all day visit. He didn’t like that …
Because God forbid you say anything about his parents. He is very defensive of them and his 8 year old niece whom is TERRIBLE. He is an only child (had an adopted brother which is how he got a niece) and he is spoiled and selfish. He only sees things his way. He went off on me on Saturday because I asked him how long we’d be at the parents. Usually when we go, we spend all day and I mean all day, and often we spend the night and end up staying there all day on Sunday. I understand those are his parents, but he wouldn’t dare stay all day with my people. He’s a Jehovah’s Witness and I’m not so that was a problem. We argue all the time, but all I’ve tried to do is accommodate him. I basically kiss his *** and he has the nerve to tell me all I do is start ****. He said I need to learn how to shut the **** up and leave him alone sometimes. But when he wants me to leave him alone it’s usually when he doesn’t want to face something he’s done wrong.
Also, he was addicted to porn and didn’t bother to tell me that before we got married. I had to find out the hard way. He will sit and lie to my face about it, I mean for hours on end, and when I finally get the truth out of him (2 or 3 hours later), he is livid AT ME! If I don’t let him manipulate me, and I don’t, he will get so upset! When I left tonight, he said "You know if you leave out that door ain’t no turning back". You made the decision, not me". But every other minute he’s saying he can’t hardly stand to be around me because of how I act. Yes, I have contributed to some of the problems. But not to the degree that he has. I have never cheated, I try not to lie about anything and I really don’t lie to him. It is to the point to where I can’t tell him a bill is due. He will flip out on me for that. It’s not my fault the light bill has to be paid.

This is just the first step, you now need to cut all financially cords. Talk to your bank and about getting you own account, then you can work on the credit cards and joint bills.
Now comes the hard part, going back to the single life. But first you will have all the pain that comes with a divorce. I do think you will be better off without him in your life.
Keep you head up and I wish you the best.

Technorati Tags: Cheating, deceit, finally, husband, left, lying, manipulation, step