Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

I’ve been talking to a girl for 2 months now. I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but she has been in an abusive relationship and is having trouble trusting me because of her ex. She’s 19 and they were married but she got an annulment in December. She hasn’t seen the guy since December and yet it’s still real hard on her. How do I help her out? What should I do?

well this will be the hardest thing you have ever tried to take on. i was in a very abusive relationship for 10 yrs and i have tons of issues that nobody but me can fix however my boyfriend has helped a lot in retraining me how to be in a relationship. you need to know that instead of talking she will probably have a fight or flight thing going for a while because thats how you learn to protect yourself. you need to be understanding. its very hard to break old habits but eventually you do. i still cower when someone raises their hand when we argue and its frusturating to my boyfriend because he thinks i group all men in a catergory of being abusers. i really didnt know how to love someone i thought love from a man was based on what i did for him. im still learning that lesson and so are most abused women. you need to be very aware of your words becasue any thing can bring old feelings flooding back and make her go into physco mode!! depending on how bad the abuse was you may suggest her talking to a professional or you be her sounding board let her vent to you about how scary and what its done to her for someone to have treated her like that. some men can handle that much damage and some cant jsut depends on how far your willing to go to help her overcome her issues. treat her with total respect. trust comes with time but i can promse she will always have doubts in her mind that will surface at times and cause problems. its a very hard road but hopefully she wasnt in it for very long and can overcome the mental part of it. anyways good luck and i hope it works out for y’all!!

Technorati Tags: abusive, date, girl, relationship

My girlfriend was recently in an abusive relationship that she came out of about 4 months ago. She hides her emotions (which was caused by her abuser), and I am not sure what to do about it. She says she does not want to talk about it cause it makes her cry, but I can’t help but say something whenever I see some of her scars or when I can tell she is not feeling good emotionally.

How to help her? Take it very slow and keep the pressure low.
Let her know that you think she’s worth the time and effort.
Be gentle with her, always.
Encourage her to seek help to deal with the past hurts.
Let her know she has your friendship, even if she can’t offer you anything more at this time.
Give her time to heal, time to grow in trust.
Be there for her, but don’t smother her.
Unlike the first poster, I don’t think she’s a lost cause. Thank you for caring enough to ask how you can help her.

Technorati Tags: abusive, girl, left, relationship

I just got out of an abusive relationship, but I still find myself missing him. Especially at night. I cannot handle nights very well at all. I get so lonely that I can’t sleep and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to end up going back again or too depressed to move. HELP!

I completely understand you. I was in the same position. The only relief I found was going out more- however hard that was for me. I didn’t really start feeling better till I started dating again. If you need to talk about it- email me.

Technorati Tags: abusive, hard, relationship

How do you get out of an abusive relationship when your partner is threatening murder and other drastic measures? And more importantly, how do you convince someone to actually take these measures?

I’ve never been in this situation but what I would do personally is save my money own money, figure out a full proof plan, try to catch him on tape or cell phone saying this things or have a witness present and then go to the police. It’s not safe to stay in that type of relationship and even though he might talk about murder you could die by staying and being abused. If I had distant family that he was un aware of then I would just plan to stay with them and start a new life. It’s such a hard situation but leaving is the best thing to do!! Make sure you have good support and remember, you only have one life!! You deserve to be happy!!

Technorati Tags: abusive, leave, relationship

i have a boyfriend who is much stronger then i am and uses that to his advantage. he will hit me non stop till i have either passed out or beg him to stop till my voice is raw. he will not let me move out of his home and says i have to stay there with him for as long as he wants…how do i get out?

Go to the police and tell them what is happening, get a restraining order and have the police escort you to the house to get your stuff, do it now before it’s to late, I see so many woman stay and get killed, I’ll pray for you, be brave and go tell someone, they’ll help you…God bless

Technorati Tags: abusive, relationship

I am currently in an abusive relationship. The abuse is emotionally, verbally, and sometimes pyhsically. It started about 8 months ago and weve been together for over a year. I love him with all my heart but im scarred to death of him at the same time. He calls me names, grabs me, shakes me, yells at me, he even puts me out of our home with no where to go, no phone to call anyone to come get me. Once he put me out because i spilled juice on the floor, while in just a tshirt, no money, no phone, no socks or shoes, no where to go, in the middles of winter. He has pinned me down on the floor and held a knife to me, even cut my hair with it because i didnt want to sleep with him. Ive tried leaving and he lets me but with nothing i own not even my purse. i always come back becausei have no family to stay with for long term and i have no friends because of him. he promises me he would change and does for the first day or 2 but its always the same. I am now 8 months pregnant with his child
he hasnt physically abuse me since ive been pregnant but the name calling and putting me down, calling me fat and ugly, has gotten worse. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight for the last 6 months and he tells my i act like a child. I just dont know what to do anymore, i want him to change, i want to be happy and i want him to be happy with me but nothing i ever do is good enough. He told me he didnt want me to work well i was pregnant which at first i said no but then he said we were moving so i had to quit my job and being so far along no one will hire me. so i get yelled at because im so lazy. i just need help. if anyone is in a similar situation or was in one please help my find the strength to leave him for good!
he hasnt physically abuse me since ive been pregnant but the name calling and putting me down, calling me fat and ugly, has gotten worse. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight for the last 6 months and he tells my i act like a child. I just dont know what to do anymore, i want him to change, i want to be happy and i want him to be happy with me but nothing i ever do is good enough. He told me he didnt want me to work well i was pregnant which at first i said no but then he said we were moving so i had to quit my job and being so far along no one will hire me. so i get yelled at because im so lazy. i just need help. if anyone is in a similar situation or was in one please help my find the strength to leave him for good!

There are numerous shelters that can and will help you when you are really ready to leave. If you dont leave very soon, it could escalate into something more serious. The next step he will take is to hit you in the stomach to try to hurt the baby. Is this what you want? I am serious. You need to leave quickly. While he is at work, hide some things ata friends house or somewhere you can get to them when you leave. Most important, you have to be ready to NOT GO BACK EVER

Technorati Tags: abusive, relationship

Should you tell someone you start to date about your past? Well, if you’re separated or divorced, yes it’s only fair to tell at least that fact, or if you have children, but, when you get out of a mentally, or physically (or both) abusive relationship, do you tell someone who wants to date you about it? Should you do it BEFORE getting involved? After a few dates? Never?

Firstly Congratulations on getting out.

It takes a lot of strength to walk away from a relationship like that. Now you know DEFINATELY the kind of person you DON’T want to date so when you are ready to try again you will be able to see the things you don’t want in a partener quickly and get out while you stilll can.

After an abusive relationship it can be tempting to spread the word that you were abused and tell everyone you know so that it can’t happen to them. While in some cases this can be healthy you also run the risk of scaring away positive relationships in the making by putting a neon sign on your head calling out for someone to fill the hole. In some cases it is appropriate to say "i was abused" but because it is not a nice thing to happen to anyone it can be scary to those who have been lucky enough to avoid it.

Separation, divorce, single with kids etc. are not as taboo in society as abuse.

Personally i would try to form a relationship with someone, find out if there is something about that person that makes you feel uneasy in the relationship. Get to know them and then when you feel you can say "i’m not ready to do this in our relationship, there are things from my past that scare me, it’s not you but i need you to understand and help me through this so we can be better partners" without feeling as though the person will get upset at you and walk out on you, you have found someone who cares about you regardless of what happened in the past.

You do not need someone who will treat you like the abuser, you do not need someone who will walk away when you need them most, you need someone you can trust to treat you as a human being.

It does get better, the pain fades but you never forget.

I reccommend you find a copy of a book called "women who love too much" By Robyn Norwood. I won’t lie to you. It’s very hard to read. It’s full of true stories about abuse and there will be parts of each and every story that you will identify with. At the end it gives you some ways that can help you become even stronger than you already are and shows that you can break the cycle and get away from "bad choices"

It was reccommended to me and the first time i picked it up i couldn’t finish the first page. I thought it was stupid and had nothing to do with me. A week later i was told to try again and i got through two pages. The third time i was asked to read it i sat down and read about 5 chapters. I was told afterwards that it was hard to read because i could identify with the feelings the people had and it was too close to home. It’s worth every word on every page and then some. Persevere and you will get through.

I wish you all the best in the future.

I have been abused and i have learnt from getting out. I now have a wonderful man in my life who treats my daughter as his own and treats me like i am his world.

You deserve that too.

Technorati Tags: abusive, finally, relationshipmarriage

I’ve a friend in an abusive relationship that she is afraid to leave because of her partner’s drastic threats. She’s been hospitalized, but lies. I tell her to call the cops or see a school counselor or something, but I’m having trouble convincing her. How can I get her to take some action?

And it isn’t that she doesn’t think she deserves better (not entirely, at least) but she’s scared.

She won’t leave until she’s ready. Does her family know? Do you yourself have proof. If she’s been hospitalized by him her family should know. It’s hard if you’re in school because it’s a place they are both required to go to. In that case the Principal or counselor should be notified. She more than likely didn’t tell the nurse or doctor the truth, most states require these situations (domestic abuse) be reported to the police. They start with a restraining order, then jail time. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but if the school’s informed of the situation they can help. Let her know that this IS serious, and it is NOT healthy. Let her know that you love her and you’ll be there for her. If it’s as serious as you think, you run the risk of losing your friendship by intervening. You run the risk of losing your friend if you don’t.

I had a friend in high school. Her boyfriend was possessive. When everyone was around he was the nicest guy, got along with everyone. Her parents loved him, he fixed my car. We thought she was with him way too much, she never got to have ‘girls night’. We brought her to my house for a few hours. When she got home he choked her to death. He was sentenced to five years and only served three. This was twenty years ago. Laws are much harsher now. Please don’t let this happen to your friend.

Technorati Tags: abusive, relationship

Would I need to speak with: a psychiatrist, counselor, or psycologist? I was looking under the doctors available under my insurance and I don’t know what category I would personally fall under. Thank you and God Bless.

I think you would want to speak with a counselor / therapist. From what I understand, a psychiatrist is a doctor who prescribes medication and is someone who usually just sees people with diagnosed mental / emotional conditions. A psychologist has a Ph.D (Dr.) in psychology, but is not a medical doctor, so she can’t prescribe medication.

A counselor or therapist is someone who will (hopefully) compassionately listen to you and offer you guidance. If needed, she can refer you to a psychiatrist.

It sounds like you need a hug, some validation, and someone to listen to you. I don’t know if a counselor will give you a hug…but she should be able to do the other two!

My only real knowledge of this comes from a hs psychology course, so I can’t say for certain that I’m right, but……I think I am.

Another idea you might want to consider would be taking an assertiveness training class. My best friend’s mom took one when her husband (bf’s stepdad) was a manipulative and emotionally abusive jerk, and she gained so much strength from taking the class. It was truly amazing to see her go from being this meek, petite little soccer mom to someone bold. My bf really admired her courage.

Just writing this post is a courageous 1st step. I wish you well on the ones you’ll be taking next.

May God bless YOU.

Psalms 18:16-19

Technorati Tags: abusive, emotional, extremely, relationship, stressed, verbal

I am a very physically and mentally abusive relationship and i need some help asap. I was hoping for something online, maybe a forum or chat room? does anyone know? i just need support and opinions before I can get to a therapist because im scared and uncertain right now.
**I am recovering from

The link below is just one of many I found just typing in groups for abusive relationships.

If you truly want to get out of this relationship, there is plenty of help out there especially in the large metropolitan areas. There are also safe houses where abused persons can go to get away from their abusive situation. You can also call your local crisis hot line.

The point is that you should have help in your own community. Take advantage of it. Good luck.

Technorati Tags: abusive, Online, recovering, relationship