Stop the Pain of Break Up NOW Before It's Too Late!

It was a bad break-up after 7 years together, and I don’t want any contact with that person. We have been apart for 4 years. Every few years my ex intrudes on my life – sometimes with frivolous lawsuits, sometimes leaving tearful messages. The ex was a very troubled, sometimes abusive person with drug problems. I usually ignore the messages (except to call back and ask to be left alone), but it gets me nowhere. The ex contacted me recently (another VM), and tearfully requested closure. This person thinks that closure will help them be a better person. I have moved on and I’m tired of being bothered. What to do?
I have changed my number many times. Changed all contact info, but this person persists to bother me, or call my family.

Get a lawyer to write him a letter. Have him tell your ex that you don’t want any contact from him/her at all in the future by any means possible and that you have had enough "closure" from him/her. And that if there is any further contact from them, that you will ask for a restraining order and see about having them charged criminally for harassment. And THAT will be their closure!

That should take care of it. By the way, if you change your number many times, how are they getting it? Are they secretly in contact with a member of your family? And is your number unlisted? You should look into that. You could always set a canary trap.

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A yr ago, my ex was about to move from NYC to Cali 2 be w/ me but I lost my job & decided to move again. As I wanted to be free to concentrate on my next move I broke up w/ him, though deeply in love. The outfall was brutal; he was defensive & hurt & rebounding like crazy; I didn’t really know how to read him over the phone. Later, he tried to reach out but wasn’t making that clear. I just went back and visited him & realized I still loved him & how he worked. We saw we had been deeply in love & seperated by misunderstanding but he said the last year had crushed his feelings. When I showed him how his way of handling things had created my reaction, he said he wished the last year hadn’t happened & wanted to try. I proposed we keep in touch and give things a fresh start as I left; he looked radiant as I kissed his cheeks. My gut feeling is to give things some time and then contact him, as I tended to be more of the initiator, but I don’t want to let things go too long. Any advice?

Cold for one. The whole breaking it off for you to concentrate on your next move. Shows that your still pretty lost on your purpose in life and two that your a tad selfish about it. You could of handled that much better and maybe it wouldn’t of hurt him so much. But I don’t know what led up to that descion I thinking chances are it might of been him pushing on you to hard. Because any other reason would of been extremely selfish. But still selfish in its own right but his reaction to it was overboard thou. The other thing is how out of touch with your own feelings you are. Not good, shouldn’t take seeing this guy in person to prove to yourself you still love him. Shows that you don’t honor to well the presences in your life, that out of sight, out of mind. Which also shows me that your overly independent of people in your life, which makes for a very lonely life. I’d be carful thou, because he did show an inability to be independent of individuals himself, almost like you guys are yin-yang with how you guys handle your insecurities in your interpersonal relationships. Also its good in words, but the heart never forgets, you guys can’t act like the past year didn’t happened are else your just trying to forget the lessons learn, plus history is big pillar in a relationship. You guys should talk it into the ground, not ignore it. If anyone your going to confront your shame with, it should be your lover. And he and you should realize that. Also this guys got a problem, he should of let you go after that long. No offense, but the whole true love, romantic love, soul-mate thing just neglects the fact that we can love many, many things. Its the situation around that loving relationship that determines how true, good, pure, right that relationship is for you. Looking at this… doesn’t look good….. and him unable to find someone else shows he can’t see himself as being an equal to you, he still worship you in other words, not good and not healthy for him. Besides also realize that at the core of every deep and meaningful relationship is a friendship. Take a step back and see if you can see how you’ve actual been a friend to this guy… without that all you are is two strangers that agree just to love each other…. love is so much more complex soup of feelings and it needs more then just raw sexual attraction to work right…. your guys are finding the right path, just keep in mind what you guys need to do is work on the friendship (which is to say a relationship in which you guys trust and relate all your feelings, ALL of your feelings, espacially your insecurites, nightmares, horriable feelings of impending doom, and fantasies, desires, shoot the only thing that divides lovers form friends is the level of physical intimacy and the togetherness of the future) and this could turn into a wonderful relationship. The problem with these answering personal questions like this is I don’t have your intiution, your gut feelings, without that these tend to just be general advice… listen to yourself and make sure it listens with you….and hopfully he’ll do the same for you, good luck

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yes you can. always remember why you walked away in the first place, never lose sight of that. think about this quote:
"Never miss someone from your past.
There is a reason they didn’t make it to your future."

Give yourself alot of time and surround yourself with people who support and love you. people who understand what you are going through. go out and have fun, enjoy life, it’s WAY too short to waste dwelling on the past. whats happened has happened, and no one can change that. all you can do is keep your head held high and look towards the future. it also helps to get rid of things that remind you of him. clothes, gifts, pictures, etc. give yourself some time, don’t rush into a new relationship. you will be fine as long as you always remember why you walked away in the first place.

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