What’s the best way to handle breakup with kids involved?
Just a few weeks ago, I was posing a question on here regarding my ex-husband’s super fast relationship and how it was affecting my children. They were told she was "family now" after dating 10 days, and she moved in after 12 days. They were showered with gifts from their "stepmom". They set a wedding date for 2 months away. Both she and my ex were VERY pushy about this whole "new family" concept- even going so far as buying my girls "Mom and Me" activity books to do with this woman.
So now they are broken up- 7 weeks after she moved in. She is slowly moving her things out, and is spending the night with her mother already. She came over last night to "say goodbye" to my children and ended up staying and reading them a bedtime story. The kids even told me that she was going to call them and read them books on speakerphone later on.
I’m NOT okay with that. I think it’s dragging out a relationship that is over. I think it is harmful emotionally to the kids.
Am I overreacting?
I agree with you. It IS confusing to the kids! Don’t let it continue!
I think you are reacting just fine.
Unfortunately, it is very easy to get attached to children, but if she is not longer with your ex, their dad, then she needs to cut the ties. She will just end up confusing your children.
References :
I agree with you. It IS confusing to the kids! Don’t let it continue!
References :
No, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. They shouldn’t have been so pushy to begin with. I don’t tell my kids that we’re doing something until the day of in case anything comes up and we can’t do it, because I hate to see the disappointment in their eyes. All that comes to mind is too pushy, too overbearing, stepping on your mommy toes and dragging it out too long.
References :
Absolutely not. In fact, the next time she calls tell her that you appreciate the bonding she had with your chidren but you feel that to spare them from any more pain and confusion dealing with their parents’ romantic lives you feel it best that she not have contact with them. She can’t do anything legally to take them from you, so your request to stop contact will be it. If she still tries to see/talk to them knowing how you feel get an immediate restraining order.
You need to protect your children from a woman whom your ex was quick to expose them to.
Good luck to you and stand strong for your kids!
References :
I would ask you to consider sending the kids to a good child psychologist. They are trained professionals who know how to deal with kids and know how to get them to "open up" and talk about their fears and feelings.
I did this when I was separated from my ex-husband; and I do believe it helped my child a lot. This lady came to see my kid twice a week, for about 8 or 9 months. And she was the one who told me my kid KNEW a lot of things I assumed he ignored about his dad and me.
Kids are a lot smarter than we think. Therapy can be of great help to them and to you, too. Good luck. Take care!
References :
Not at all, I completely agree with you. Even if he had no children I would question it, but then leave it as "his business" since it is not affecting others. However this IS affecting others. It is affecting the most important people in your life and (should be ) his.
My mother and I are both teachers and often share stories of our day or simply funny things kids do. I was horrified when she told me one of her students had announced that she had about 10 "stepdads", but they only stay for a little while for vacation….your situation reminded me of this.
If this is the first time this has happed I would just let him know your concerns. After this I would begin to document things, there is a possibility this could effect him in a custody case (if it should arise) as creative an unstable environment,
References :
No, I don’t think you are overreacting and she should just say goodbye. I would understand if she’s known the kids for a long time but she’s only known them for a short while and even that could’ve been traumatic for your kids. She should leave peacefully at once and lets time take its course and maybe check on them to say hi but she’s overdoing it there a bit. It makes me wonder if she’s using the kids to linger on, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ex dumped her. In then end, you can try to talk to your ex about but if he’s arrogant than I would just have a good talk with your kids if they’re old enough. I hope your ex learns his lesson and not move so fast on a relationship and drop it on his kids….shame on him for that. I blame him more than her, but you need to stay calm and have a good talk with your kids, hubby, and if you can the other woman too…I would at this point because you’re their mother anyway.
References :
absolutely not! if the relationship is over with her and your ex then it should definately be over with your kids too. sounds like you need to talk with your kids about all of this and see where they’re at with all of it. i know how you feel. my ex and his girlfriend tried a whole "instant family" thing with our daughter and it fell apart shortly after and my daugher was left confused– she was only 3. talk with your ex and work a reasonable "timeline" about when it’s appropriate to introduce, move in, etc. with a new partner. kids could have a hard time with relationships when they get older if they see people in and out so fast. you have every right to be protective of your children– i would hope that my ex would be concerned for our daughter if i was pushing someone into her life so fast.
References :
You’re not overreacting. Their dad should be the one to step up and let the other woman know that it’s better that they don’t have contact; if he won’t do this then it’s up to you.
If she calls, talk to her calmly and let her know that her continuing a relationship with the children would be confusing to them. She’ll probably want to talk but be firm, say thank you and good luck.
They sound crazy and will probably be back and forth. Tell your ex that you both are responsible for the kids well being and they don’t need this in their lives.
References :
Cut the cord. It sounds like she is still in love with your kids. She’s not the Mommy, you are. Make it clear and try and explain it to your kids.
References :