Is closure a necessary part of breaking up?
Do you think closure is a necessary part of getting over a past relationship?
My ex and I were involved with each other on and off for about 5 years. We broke up 4 weeks ago, but haven’t talked since, and never discussed why we broke up. It’s hard for me to get over him because of this. How do I go about finding closure?
I think getting over the person is a lot faster if you have some kind of closure. It doesn’t have to be a big knock down drag out thing…it could be something as simple as writing a letter to him to tell him how you feel. You don’t even have to mail it…sometimes it helps to just get it out on paper.
No, I’m not a big fan of closure. I think it’s an excuse to contact the person again. If it’s over, it’s over. What more can someone actually say?
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yes ,closure is so important in a breakup
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I’m in the same boat as you, except I know why – he’s a jerk.
I do think closure is necessary. I’ve just been trying to concentrate on myself. It’s time for both of us (you and me) to feel good about ourselves.
Hey, it’s his loss! Right?
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More important than closure, is grief. You have to grieve a relationship ending (especially a long one) just like you would death. The two are very similar in how they make you feel.
So grieve your break up. Let your heart heal, let the tears fall. Eventually you’ll get past the grief and move to the angry stage. This is a good thing. After anger comes forgiveness. Then you can move on.
You can’t find closure if he doesn’t want to talk, even if he did you may never know. Closure comes by you, grieving the loss. Keep your chin up, it hurts, I know… but it does get better.
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Personal Experience.
I think the person who is being broken from thinks it will be helpful, but I have found as I age, that closure means nothing. He could give you 25 diffrent reasons, excuses….blah blah…. but it won’t heal you or stop the hurt. It won’t even bring relief….. If something breaks apart, it just does and your only responsiblity becomes yourself.
**Oh and I wanted to say that I think women are more about wanting and giving closure than men…
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Write him a letter – you don’t have to send it, but you need to express all of your feelings. If you decide to send it, have a close friend help you decide what to include and what’s just ranting… after 5 years you have a right to ask a few questions!
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I think getting over the person is a lot faster if you have some kind of closure. It doesn’t have to be a big knock down drag out thing…it could be something as simple as writing a letter to him to tell him how you feel. You don’t even have to mail it…sometimes it helps to just get it out on paper.
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write him a letter-get everything you have to say off your chest and send it to him
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It will take years to get over him completely. Closure for you right now is not an option if you want this to be over. I was also in an, on again – off again relationship for 5 years. We never had closure b/c I knew as soon as I saw him we would wind up in bed together and things would be back to the way they were. We have not talked in over 8 1/2 years face to face. I have talked to him over the phone the day before I got married. It wasn’t actually closure but it was the next best thing. I would wait to see him. If you want closure that bad then call him up. I don’t suggest it however.
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not for everyone.
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I think you’ve found it…sometimes severing the connection is the best way to get over it. I once had an ex, and we were off and on for a couple of months. However, after she blew up at me because I spilled pasta on the floor and she was afraid she’d lose her deposit and I wasn’t moving quick enough (now I remember why we broke up)….we had a big fight, and I was just so sick of the arguments, the bad feelings, and everything associated with it…I didn’t call her, IM her, or even drive in her area. She called me two weeks later asking about a screwdriver she might have left over at my place, I don’t her "I don’t have it." That was the last thing I ever said to her….even though someone was constantly calling my phone, not saying anything, and eventually hanging up. I think it was her….
Anyway…regarding your situation, did he break up with you unannounced, or was it a mutual thing?
Typically break-ups don’t happen spontaneously, is there more to the story? Do you think he cheated and then freaked…breaking up with you to cover himself?
What I suggest you do is stay close to your friends and family. It took me 8 months to get over my ex, even though she was a b….but I needed that time to readjust, evaluate my own life, and find myself once again. The whole experience made me stronger and helped me grow. Time can be the perfect therapy, since this is still fresh, it’s only natural to feel sad or a sense of loss….the feelings will subside, I promise…I’ve been there and got through it…and you’ll find a way to do so as well!
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I think closure iS Necessary – especially with a relationship that lasted SO long. 5 years is a LONG time and you may not be able to get PAST it and move on until you find some closure.
Certainly he would be willing to sit & talk to you so you can find a LITTLE bit of closure & move on properly wouldn’t he? Not sure all of your details of course – but you both have nothing to loose by meeting one last time & talking the time to tie up loose ends for eachother do you?
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You need closure to move on. It’s a natural thing.
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