Do you think every ended relationship needs "closure" before you can move on?
and how do you get that "closure" if the former spouse/partner is not willing to talk to you or cooperate in any way, shape or form? Formal counseling is not an option here due to insurance issues. So any suggestions?
I feel closure is necessary after a break-up, but you will each have your own opinions and views, since you are two people. The other person may not be willing. My mom didn’t get the closure of my dad leaving her until years later, when he finally decided to tell her that their break-up wasn’t her fault. This helped her then, but it probably would’ve done wonders for her years earlier, as she did go through bout’s of depression. I think it is best to take some time for yourself. Let the emotions come out, maybe write it out. A counselor once told me that writing out your feelings, addressing it to that person without the intentions of giving it to them, can actually help you. I have practiced this, and it has helped me. In addition, burning or destroying it after you have written it can also help too. The visualization of destroying does help, especially if the person won’t talk to you. If you want to write that person a letter so they know how you feel, intend on writing two letters. The first one will be your most raw feelings, that is the one you destroy. Then, as you have a chance to calm down after the first letter, write the second one in a calmer frame of mind. So, you have a couple of options. Regardless, you should take some time for yourself, give it at least 2 weeks to a month. In that time let it all out. As added closure for yourself, you can write a letter, but if you intend to give the person the letter then be prepared to write two letters. One letter for yourself to let all the raw emotions out and the second in a calmer state of mind, letting them know that the door is open if they choose to have closure as well. Let them know in the letter that you need to do this for yourself in order to move on and grow. That same counselor also told me never to start the letter with "you did this, you did that", never use "you" statements instead write "I feel" statements. "I am writing you this letter so that I can have some closure for myself and move on. I feel…" At this point you can decide whether you want to give them a letter or not. After you have taken this step, and probably cried a lot (which is another part of healing), take some time to sit down and write out some goals for yourself. Decide what you want to do for you. Write the goals out nice and big and post them in your room so you see it as a reminder every day when you wake up. Start accomplishing some of those goals for yourself and you will feel loads better. Better about yourself and better about life, knowing that you did it for you. Good Luck! =)
One would think "closure" would be the best bet for all concerned. But there have been a couple of times when it wasn’t even worth starting a discussion or fight. I just had to walk out and never look back. No phone calls, no goodbye kiss no nothing.
If she didn’t understand why, then she was too stupid to comprehend any explanation. Sometimes things work out that way.
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After a break up I would spend time with just myself. Refresh my spirit, renew my love for life, and just find some freaking PEACE. I used to get home from work and take my dog for long walks. When you get that unconditional love from your pooch, it’s easy to forget what’s his name.
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I completely agree. Closure is needed when something has ended. This is what I’ve learned. I’m big on getting closure, I always have =)…when you think you absolutely need something the most, you don’t or can’t get. After some time, the opportunity will present itself in a way you don’t expect or not necessarily relevant to that situation, but very close to it. Trust me on this one. I’ve gone through that many times. Try to live your life, do your own thing etc…the saying that you’ve heard "what comes around goes around"…will happen, and you will come out on top if you don’t do anything right now.
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Life, relationships, friends.
I’m going through the same thing, if that’s any comfort to you. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and, although I instigated the break, it bothers me endlessly that he wont ever talk to me.
I know it’s nice to be able to talk about the problems and confront him with the issues your still holding on to, but honestly, what will it accomplish? You’ve both accepted things aren’t going to work out, so continuing to vent your grievances to him is only further destructive to you. That being said, you still DO need to get your feelings out. Start writing in journals, online or in a notebook if you prefer.
Lastly, remember that eventually, he probably WILL be ready to talk. When that time comes, you’ll have already put this behind you and you’ll be able to sensibly talk about things without being overwhelmed with emotion or anger.
In the mean time, focus on the reason you broke up with him or the reason he broke up with you. Chances are, once you recall all the problems you had, you’ll be less eager to talk to him.
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clousure is truley in the eye of the beholder. closure to one person can be a shopping spree while to another they cant even move on until they know that the other person in the relationship wont hold a grudge on them. it all depends on the situation but to answer your question yes closure can be a very good think at the end of a relationship. it can open your eyes to why things went the way they did so you dont make the same mistake again and to make sure you dont have any feelings still there. who knows? that person may not have made a very good boy/ girl friend but they may make a good friend in the end.
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Closure is part of the healing process from broken relationship..some times we do get the needed closure and some times we don’t get any or very little..but we still need to consider moving forward
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I feel closure is necessary after a break-up, but you will each have your own opinions and views, since you are two people. The other person may not be willing. My mom didn’t get the closure of my dad leaving her until years later, when he finally decided to tell her that their break-up wasn’t her fault. This helped her then, but it probably would’ve done wonders for her years earlier, as she did go through bout’s of depression. I think it is best to take some time for yourself. Let the emotions come out, maybe write it out. A counselor once told me that writing out your feelings, addressing it to that person without the intentions of giving it to them, can actually help you. I have practiced this, and it has helped me. In addition, burning or destroying it after you have written it can also help too. The visualization of destroying does help, especially if the person won’t talk to you. If you want to write that person a letter so they know how you feel, intend on writing two letters. The first one will be your most raw feelings, that is the one you destroy. Then, as you have a chance to calm down after the first letter, write the second one in a calmer frame of mind. So, you have a couple of options. Regardless, you should take some time for yourself, give it at least 2 weeks to a month. In that time let it all out. As added closure for yourself, you can write a letter, but if you intend to give the person the letter then be prepared to write two letters. One letter for yourself to let all the raw emotions out and the second in a calmer state of mind, letting them know that the door is open if they choose to have closure as well. Let them know in the letter that you need to do this for yourself in order to move on and grow. That same counselor also told me never to start the letter with "you did this, you did that", never use "you" statements instead write "I feel" statements. "I am writing you this letter so that I can have some closure for myself and move on. I feel…" At this point you can decide whether you want to give them a letter or not. After you have taken this step, and probably cried a lot (which is another part of healing), take some time to sit down and write out some goals for yourself. Decide what you want to do for you. Write the goals out nice and big and post them in your room so you see it as a reminder every day when you wake up. Start accomplishing some of those goals for yourself and you will feel loads better. Better about yourself and better about life, knowing that you did it for you. Good Luck! =)
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married 10 yrs
but nothings ever picture perfect
I believe closure is nessary. But it comes differently for everyone. If your former partner or spouse does not want to talk to you. Try writing them a letter telling them you forgive them and it is time to move on. You don’t have to mail it. The closure is for you.
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