How long does it take to get over a break up?
Hi
I was with ash 9 months broke up 3 months ago and still not over her. How long will it take i hate her she treated me like crap the last 4 months we was together and lied i loved her soooooo much and now im all alone:( How long will it take to get better?
It is very individualized (the length of time it will take). This probably was the first really significant relationship and subsequent loss you have experienced. Everyone has one of those… then they learn to hold back something of themselves to regenerate from after that. Rather than putting there entire heart and soul on the line.
It really can be devastating. There are so many variables that can make this worse. Knowing and participating fully with your significant’s family and joint friends. Sharing some very unique and special things together…"the first times for" list (ie sex). Going to some very special locations that are once in a life time experiences can keep memories alive for ever. Certain music and movies. That person can be tangled with all of those types of things and make it very hard to deal with at times. When you really have blended your feelings and experiences with someone (especially at a younger age or for a relatively long time for your age) it can be your own personal hell.
If they have gone on to be with someone else… or have dumped you to be with another person… that can constitute a major psychic injury. In those cases… if it can not be shaken and is getting worse professional help might have to be sought. These people get a real weird twist to the whole thing… stalking, having fits of anger, ruminating the loss over and over, incompacitating depression, inability to focus or take responsibility… those are serious things that have to be looked at professionally. If you are just getting hints or short runs of that…do not buy into it and avoid going there… it is pathological. Don’t make matters worse…going in that direction that is not the answer.
The best thing is to not focus on yourself… but, try to stay busy and focus on others that could use you help… be loving to others in a different way… like grandparents, getting wrapped up in a new hobby. Join some type of groups or clubs that have meetings with others. Like a camping/hiking club, etc., etc..
I think the fact that she treated you like crap for the last 4 months kind of did something to you… you probably thought since you took all that crap you earned the right to be fully loved and respected as a reward for your tolerance (demonstrating unconditional love for her). Well, it doesn’t work that way and certainly isn’t fair. From what you have hinted at… I think she might have had some serious personality flaws. I think she stomped on your heart and brain… and you really will not be able to make sense of it. You have to learn to crawl away from what constitued an abusive relationship. Just learn to draw some boundaries in future relationships… be sure you or others do not go over them until you are damn sure it is really safe.
I really do appreciate your pain… Good Luck!
As soon as you decide to get over her and move on. Its all up to you and your attitude.
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you dont just get into another one real quick and have lots of sex best thing i can recommend
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68 years
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my hamstr
The fastest way to get over someone is to find someone new or at least find a hobby to keep your mind occupied
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probably as long as you want it
or until you get a new babe in your life
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it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to be over it or not.
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If you sit around and mope it will take a long time but if you get up and go do things…anything…well, except for stalking her..ha…then it will be over with faster.
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How long it takes for anyone to get over someone is a combination of three things:
1) Your resilience
2) The length of your relationship
3) How much you loved him/her
Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about your feelings. What could help though:
* Toss out ANYTHING that Ash gave you (if it’s fairly valuable (like, money-wise), sell it or give it to a friend)
* Delete all contact details of Ash
* If you’re still talking to her, obvious don’t!
* Every time good memories come back to make life harder- remember WHY you broke up in the first place
Good luck, and I hope you can move on!
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well it depends if you really did love her??
you may think you still cant move on but you may just be holding onto the hatred you felt towards her so that you dont have to move on and put yourself in a situation where another girl can treat you that same way again.
complicated but very likely.
when im hurt by someone i hold on to the hurt so long and push any one else away and i know when i really sit and think about it that i do it so that i dont get hurt again. i mean i cant get hurt if i dont get close to someone new right? and the easiest way not to get close is to think they’re all just the same its gonna happen all ova again and so in turn im really hurting myself cause i end up angry and alone and missing other ppls company.
decide that you miss her but you dont want to dwell on it any longer and see some friends, get out, go clubbing, movies whatever and keep it up and let other girls in just enough to be friends and in time you’ll find you’ve moved on without even noticing.
she may always have a special place in ur heart but u need to decide not to let her ruin the rest of your life.
you deserve to be happy and have friends and a girlfriend who care for you but to have that you have to let them in xx be happy it attracts lots of people, be confident and have fun and dont think about when it will happen it just will
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32 YEARS AND STILL COUNTING
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It is very individualized (the length of time it will take). This probably was the first really significant relationship and subsequent loss you have experienced. Everyone has one of those… then they learn to hold back something of themselves to regenerate from after that. Rather than putting there entire heart and soul on the line.
It really can be devastating. There are so many variables that can make this worse. Knowing and participating fully with your significant’s family and joint friends. Sharing some very unique and special things together…"the first times for" list (ie sex). Going to some very special locations that are once in a life time experiences can keep memories alive for ever. Certain music and movies. That person can be tangled with all of those types of things and make it very hard to deal with at times. When you really have blended your feelings and experiences with someone (especially at a younger age or for a relatively long time for your age) it can be your own personal hell.
If they have gone on to be with someone else… or have dumped you to be with another person… that can constitute a major psychic injury. In those cases… if it can not be shaken and is getting worse professional help might have to be sought. These people get a real weird twist to the whole thing… stalking, having fits of anger, ruminating the loss over and over, incompacitating depression, inability to focus or take responsibility… those are serious things that have to be looked at professionally. If you are just getting hints or short runs of that…do not buy into it and avoid going there… it is pathological. Don’t make matters worse…going in that direction that is not the answer.
The best thing is to not focus on yourself… but, try to stay busy and focus on others that could use you help… be loving to others in a different way… like grandparents, getting wrapped up in a new hobby. Join some type of groups or clubs that have meetings with others. Like a camping/hiking club, etc., etc..
I think the fact that she treated you like crap for the last 4 months kind of did something to you… you probably thought since you took all that crap you earned the right to be fully loved and respected as a reward for your tolerance (demonstrating unconditional love for her). Well, it doesn’t work that way and certainly isn’t fair. From what you have hinted at… I think she might have had some serious personality flaws. I think she stomped on your heart and brain… and you really will not be able to make sense of it. You have to learn to crawl away from what constitued an abusive relationship. Just learn to draw some boundaries in future relationships… be sure you or others do not go over them until you are damn sure it is really safe.
I really do appreciate your pain… Good Luck!
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been there before!