Heart broken breakup…so hard that i want to hurt my self to ease the pain?
I was in a 13-month interracial relationship. It was not easy for both of us:
- he cannot be committed to me without his family rejection over a interracial marriage
- he cannot express his feeling because english is not his first language
- he cannot be himself becuase he cannot speak hindi with me
- his mom kept pushing him for marriage, but he can’t tell his mom about me
- I feel seperated/lonely whenever i hang out with his friends.
- I feel insecure about the whole situation from the beginning to the end – worried when he is going to get arranged with another girl in his culture
- I feel i cannot connect with him and there is a gap between us.
- I feel desperate…i want light in the relationship, but it is always dark
- We like each other, we enjoy each other’s companies, we talk to each other in numerous hours of phone calls everyday
Despite all these, we managed to be together for 1 year. We were, in general, very happy together, but wenever we both talk about/think of the future. We ended up talking about breaking up. So, this time is finally 99.99%.
He decided to break up with me because his friend has a similar issue like ours. She chose to marry the man despite of the family’s disappoval. The family is now no longer calling her their daughter!
This is like a series of scences in a drama:
1. He was very strong-willed. He told me strongly, "I don’t like you, that’s it. I cannot do this anymore. Even now i feel intensed to be in a relationship with you, it will be 100x more intensed after i told my parents about you."
2. He still called me for the next two days and told me how much he missed calling me sweety..So i asked what does he want, he responded the same way as before.
3. I msged him and snapped ties with him. He regret for saying no to me cus I "may be the best thing he will ever have".
4. The next day, I called him and decided to ask him what’s his intention for saying that. He said "he doesn’t know what he is doing." but he still insisted of snapping ties, so i agreed.
He is going back to his native land to visit his parents in 2 weeks. I don’t know whether i should hope for anything at this point. I am so worried he is going to find another girl during his visit. I have so much stress in myself and i feel very sad. I feel hopeless and have thought of hurting myself to ease my pain from my heart.
REMEMBER THIS QUOTE:
"If you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s yours. If it doesn’t it was never meant to be." -Unknown
If he really had it in heart to be with you, then that’s all that would matter to him. I don’t think there is anything you can do but move on with your life. Why get into a marriage where the in-laws will not accept you anyway? That’s rough.
So consider this a favor to you. You can be with someone more valuable and more loving. Someone with a better family upbringing.
Have a look at http://www.thework.com [Byron Katie]
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No relationship is worth physically hurting yourself for. This doesn’t sound like a good relationship at all. I think you should talk to some friends or family and have them help you get through this.. but I would let him go. Best of luck.
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Move on hon. He’s made it very apparent that he values the opinion of his family much more than he values you. You deserve someone who’s proud to take you home to his parents. I know it’s hard to end things when you’re so attached to him, but it’s for the best. The hardships and pain is never going to end until you end things with him and move on.
There are other fish in the sea! I promise!! I know it’s hard to believe but you WILL feel happy again.
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Gosh I really feel for you. I’ve recently been "kicked to the curb" myself so I have at least some idea what kind of pain you are going through.
I went through nearly 20 years of interracial marriage. In the end, because of family, I just don’t think it works. In the end it was much worse on me for staying. Still, a broken heart is a broken heart.
There is no other way through this than through fire. Stay beautiful and don’t go through this alone. Truly, the support of others can make a huge difference.
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18 years together. 15 years of marriage. Divorced this year. Our families were worlds apart.
REMEMBER THIS QUOTE:
"If you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s yours. If it doesn’t it was never meant to be." -Unknown
If he really had it in heart to be with you, then that’s all that would matter to him. I don’t think there is anything you can do but move on with your life. Why get into a marriage where the in-laws will not accept you anyway? That’s rough.
So consider this a favor to you. You can be with someone more valuable and more loving. Someone with a better family upbringing.
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CALL AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR DOCTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..HURTING YOURSELF DOES NOT FIX ANY PROBLEM…
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT..
CALL NOW
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Hunny, hurting yourself won’t help the problem, why don’t you try the learn his lang. and its hard for any relationship but you need to know that he seems to be in just as much pain as you so don’t worry about him meeting someone else, you need to worry about you. But it sounds more like a great friendship other than a love relationship. Maybe if you guys talk about keeping the friendship going things could change for you.
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This article is a MUST read:
Getting Over A Break Up or Divorce: How To Heal a Broken Heart
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-getting-over-a-breakup.html
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what an immature and silly boy!!!! Drop him. Do Not Hang out with his friends anymore. And most importantly, get a life.
Read chapter 2 & 6 in "He’s just not that in to You" by Greg Behrendt. & then practice in front of the mirror 10 times every morning: I love me best of all and I will not be happy with anyone who doesn’t feel the same!!!
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ur story could be one of bollywoods new movies.. I’m sorry though! I can feel for u as I have been once myself in a relationship which couldn’t work out coz of religious and cultural differences.. and the best solution was to break up, how hard it may be it is worth it as u will definitely find someone else in ur life..
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